Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, April 28, 2003

More wallpapers! ^-^ Actually only one this time. once again, it's hosted at:

http://www.freewebs.com/insignificance/

This time it's a Hikaru no Go wallpaper featuring Touya Akira and Shindo Hikaru. ^_____^ I'll probably be making more Hikago wps 'cause I got tons of the artbook pics, and more than half of them features Sai, so I'll be making Sai wps. ^^;;;

Btw, I'm open to request/suggestions right now regarding these wallpapers. Email me at bailuli@hotmail.com or IM me on AIM (if I'm ever on, anyway) and give suggestions to what series I should do a wallpaper for next. I might never get to that series, maybe because of lack of time or maybe because I don't have any good images, but I'll definitely think about it. ^-^ So please! And please email me or IM me, tell me what you think about these wps! Remember, these are my first contributions, ever. ^^;;;;

Oh yeah, and please take a look down at my Wish List at the very bottom of the right column, and if you have any of the things I am looking for, or know a place where i can get it, PLEASE TELL ME!!! I really want them... T.T The stuff in bold are stuff I don't have, items in normal text are stuff I just recently got. Every few weeks I'll be taking off the unbolded items to shorten the list.

That's all. ^-^ Enjoy!

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, April 27, 2003

Nettie was making a bunch of wallpapers and stuff, and out of curiousity, I took a hand in making some. And now I'm seriously addicted. *sweatdrop* I made five so far, and you can find them at http://www.freewebs.com/insignificance/index.htm , a virtual copy of Tsumi to Batsu (even with the same name) except instead of a blog, it's just a site that I'm going to place my wallpapers on. So far, I have made wallpapers for:

Angel Sanctuary: Setsuna
Final Fantasy: Origins, Yoshitaka Amano art
X/1999: Fuuma & Kamui
HunterxHunter: Killua
Fruits Basket: Kyou & Yuki

All of them are the size of 1024x768 except for the Killua which have a version for both 1024x768 as well as 800x600.

I'll probably go back and offer the 800x600 versions later, but probably not now unless someone wants those resolutions.

I'm EXTREMELY proud of them. So place at least just take one look? *pleading look*

Well, finished watching Furuba, finally. ^^;;; I love that series. ^________^ I refuse to go on another adoring rant about that series again, so that's all I'm going to say.

AIMS is monday! T.T

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, April 23, 2003

GAAAAAAAAAAH! I can't believe it! >.< I know that they changed the US version of the second vol of .hack to .hack//MUTATION instead of .hack//Malignant Mutation but I figure, it's okay, it's still Mutation, so I can take it. But then, I looked at the upcoming release dates, and they listed the third and fourth vol of .hack to be .hack//OUTBREAK and .hack//QUARANTINE. >.< GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! It pisses me off!!!! >.< It's supposed to be .hack//Erosion Pollution and .hack//Absolute Encirclement, NOT Outbreak and Quarantine!!!! I am SOOOO pissed right now. >.<

However, the good thing is that .hack///Malignant Mutation IS coming out next month, in two weeks, I believe. ^-^ But no matter what, I'm still calling 'em by their original name. *grumbles*

I'm so happy! I found a place have scanslations of Naruto from vol 13 and up! They only have up to vol 15 so far, though (and a bit beyond, but there's a gigantic hole there, why I have no idea). But Anywayz, I'm downloading it now. I'm so happy! ^-^ I can finally read what happens next! ^___________^ I can't wait to get more of the anime, too. Yay!!

Oh yeah, and I'm THIS close to beating Xenogears. I just need to go through the Lighthouse, the Isle, and then through the final dungeon. ^-^ I'm in the LIghthouse righ tnow. I DID finish going through the Duneman Isle, I was so close to getting through it, except a Dragon attacked me, and it wouldn't let me escape, so it killed me. -_-;;;; It pissed me off sooooooo badly 'cause I got a couple of levelups in there, but the most importantly, I got Fei's second to the last DeathBlow, and getting on toward my final DB. It pisses me off that i had to start over.

Plus, today when I was trying to play it, I was int he Lighthouse, and I did a few battles. Then suddenly we had a really quick lightout, and it cut my game. -_-;;;; That pissed me off, too, and even though I just started playing, I got too pissed to play and lost interest. ^^;;;

Anywayz, I LOVE NARUTO! ^__________^ I still need to finish watching Furuba, but you know, I lost a bit of interest in it, since ti's not so action oriented. I'll finish it, but it's not as urgent as before. ^^;;;;

Oh yeah, I fuond a few more goodies on Kazaa. I started to loose interest in downloading from that place, until yesterday, actually, when I, in a fit of boredom, looked up Star Ocean ('cause i really like the SO3 OST 1) and they gave me a music vid of Star Ocean EX, Tales of Eternia, and Inu Yasha. I started to download it, and it's about half way done today, and I watched abit of it. It is SOOOO good. And it's to a Japanese song, too (it's one of Ayu's song, I recognize it, but I don't remember the name exactly). Anywayz, I stopped watching it, though, 'cause I wanna watch it in the complete form. ^^;;; But I can't wiat. It's REALLY well done. ^-^

You might've noticed that i've taken down a lot of the stuff on my wish list that I've already gotten. I was original gonna keep it all up there so you can see what I wanted and what I already got, but it's taking up too much space. ^^;;; So yeah, I'll be cleaning it out in a regular basis, probably.

I REALLY wanna change the layout. *sigh* I suck at HTML, though. T.T BUt once I have some time (probably summer), I think I'll change the layout to a Kyou and Yuki one, or a Naruto one. ^^;;;; But then again, maybe by then I'll be a major SO fan. ^^;;;;; I love Dias. He's soooo pretty! XD

Anywayz. I LOVE NARUTO!!!! ^_____^ But I wish the manga at this point would get to Naruto-tachi instead of focusing all on Hokage-sama and Orochimaru. ^^;;; Btw, Orochimaru is freaky as hell and completely creepy assed thing. O.o

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, April 21, 2003

So. Sorry for not updating over the spring break. Too busy downloading. ^^;;

Okay, onto my rant on Furuba. *clears throat* I LOVE KYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *________________* I love him, I love him, I LOVE HIM! XD He's so kawaii and sekushii, especially when he's super pissed off at Yuki! XD and he looks so good in his tight black shirt and cargo pants. *droolz* Mmm, yummy! ^-^ And Yuki's kakkoi, too, although I'll always love Kyou-chan. *crackles*

Kyou: *mutters to himself* Crazy onna

Anywayz, now that I've finally saw the series (actually, I'm still not done, still got four something eps to go, I think) I found that instead of just liking Yuki, Kyou, and Shigure, I somehow came to like almost every single character in the series. ^^;;; Well, with exception to Akito, anyway. He really truely does scares the crap outta me. ^^;;;

Demo sa, demo sa, I love Yuki and Kyou and Shigure, that's a given. Hatori's just sooooooo kakkoi, though, being the most serious person in the show. He's so sugoi! ^_________^ And Ayame... *droolz* AYAME!!!!!!!!!!!! XD But you know, if you see him at first only in pictures, you expect him to have a feminine voice, but then you hear him, and, well... let's just say MY first words were "WHAT THE F*CK?!?!" O.o XD But you know, after you get used to him, I found his voice even more fitting than any girly voices. XD I love Ayame, though. I like him especially when I realized how much he cares for Yuki and want to make for what happened before. ^-^ And I find it extremely funny that he's completely unstoppable by anyone, but then Hatori comes in, and suddenly he's the most well behaved puppy there ever was. XD It's so cute! But you know, I see a love triangle here between Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure. I personally prefer Hatori/Shigure, mostly because there were quite a few scenes where you can tell Shigure cares a lot for Hatori (he talks seriously with Hatori, which is rare all by itself, showing that Hatori is very special) but you can tell that Ayame practically worships Hatori (the scene where Ayame gives Hatori the pictures of Kana's wedding). Soo....A THREESOME!!! XD

Anywayz, aside from the adults, there are Haru and Momiji. Haru's so kawaii, and kakkoi all at the same time! XD not on the same degree as my worship of Kyou, but close. XD He's cute when he's white, and then he's a total badass as black Haru. Oh God, I absolutely adore him when he's black, especially his black side is a total perv. XD And you know, my second fav pairing for Kyou, if not with Yuki, would probably be with Haru. I mean, Haru literally said that he likes Kyou. He did say that he loves Yuki, but I think it's more like a worship than actually "love." I absolutely adore the ep where Haru first comes in, in the beginning when he goes black and fights Kyou. That was just so kakkoi. XD

And Momiji...*sniffles* He's so cute, but his past is so damned sad. Having a mother that hates him, and then eventually forgot him. Seeing her every day, knowing that she's living, but also knowing that she'll never remember him as her own child. I completely admire him for being able to still smile and be happy, even when going through that pain. When I saw the ep about his past, I really did cry, it was so sad. T.T Before that ep, I thought Momiji was almost a bit annoying with his cheer, but then I realized just how hard it is for him, and I really come to adore him.

Generally I don't like the main female characters. It's not that now that i like yaoi, I hate all het. Not true. I still like het in certain series (Slayers, Ranma, and a few others) BUT, the main thing is that most of the main female characters are so damned annoying and useless. However, Furuba's main female character s probably one of the few that I absolutely adore. Honda Tohru. I really do like her. She's cute, she's funny, and she's completely selfless. I love her! ^.^ But, I don't think she's right for any of the guys. I know Yuki and Kyou are both very close to her, but seriously, the curse will never allow them to be together. And also, in a way, I think she's too innocent for them in the first place. But. I DO like her to be with Hana-chan. I mean, it's very obvious as the story progresses that Hanajima cares for Tohru a WHOLE lot. In fact, in various points she even said outloud that she's somewhat jealous of Yuki and Kyou, and that she felt lonely because Tohru is now almost completely devoted to the Sohma household. In fact, one of the episodes is about her loneliness, and at the end, she smiled at Tohru, something that she never shows. So i think Hana-chan really does love Tohru a lot.

So that brings me to my next character, Hana-chan. I really adore her, too. SHe's so cool! XD SHe's a psychic, and that's cool by itself. I love her character design and personality, too. She's calm and collected, with a pretty soft voice, but hard too because of her inner strength. She cares for her friends and family, and she's always in control of the things that she's doing. I love her black hair, too. She looked awesome with her hair down. She's so pretty!!!!! *______* And you also know very well that she is completely devoted to Tohru. She was the one who did everything to make sure Tohru's alright, liek what she did during New Years to make sure Yuki and Kyou both go back to Tohru. And the episode with the Yuki Fanclub coming over to her house, her little brother literally told us that she cares very much, if not love, Tohru. I totally adore that part of her; that she's cold to everyone except Tohru. ^-^.

Anywayz, but yeah, that's my beautiful analysis on Furuba. ^^;;;; In other words, I pretty much love all the characters. And I'm not even done with the series yet. ^^;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Wow, i havne't updated in like forever. O.o The main reason is that I was trying to download anime and stuff, and whenever i have the thing on, internet doesn't work. -_-;;;; sooooooo, I'll have to choose either internet or downloading anime, and I normally choose anime. ^^;;;;;

Anywayz, I GOT NARUTO ANIME AND FRUITS BASKET!!!! XD i'm so happy! I got both of them a while, ago, actually, but just now i have the time to say it. ^^;;;; Naruto's anime's good, but the manga's much better. They dramatized things a bit more, though. I liked the part where Sasuke "dies". ^^;;; It was so cute! With very little stretch of imagination, you can tell that Naruto and Sasuke are VERY close. ^.~

Plus, after that incident, I don't know WHY i just now realized but Sakura was saying that "things are a whole lot more weird between the two now after that incident." When I read the manga, it didn't occur to me, but in the anime, when I was watching that part, suddenly it popped up to me "OH MY GOD, YAOI HINT!!!!" O.O

Anywayz, I can't wait to watch more of it. ^-^

As for Furuba... well, I'll get into that one later. I have waaaaaaaaaaaay too long fangirl squealing about it. ^^;;;

Anywayz, spring break is after school!! *__________* I can't wait! I should have more time to update now. ^.^

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, April 14, 2003

find your element at mutedfaith.com. <º>

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, April 9, 2003

You know what's really cool? We got this new realy big plasma TV a little while ago. My dad hooked all these cool things to it (DVD, VCR, Satellite, surround sound) so I thought, what about the comp? Can't you hook the comp up so that the TV's the monitor, and maybe you can even watch .avi files on the TV. So I asked him, and he did hooked it up. And it really did work. I should be happy. I am happy, sort of.

In truth, I am EXTREMELY pissed off right now.

After we hooked it up, and I put on an random ep of Naruto on it, I was squealing about it because it really IS cool, my mom started saying that this is completely temporary, and now that I saw that it works, we'll have to take the computer off.

In other words, she just doesn't want me to watch that TV. At all. I am so fucking pissed right now. >.<

Not to mention hurt. I can't believe she said that. I originally wanted to do the hook up was because I was simply curious. I figured you can probably hook the comp up to the TV like that, but I never had it confirmed, so I took the oppurtunity that dad's home to see if it'll work. I've always being the type to want a perfect system, whether it's a comp or an entertainment system. So naturally, after the VCR, the DVD, the satellite, the surround sound, I want to see if there's anything else you can add to it.

I never planned to actaully watch all my on-comp anime outside. Oh it'll probably be nice to be able to watch it on teh big screen, but personally I HATE watching anime with someone else. Especailly in the family room, because I can never hear a damned thing because people'll be talking or washing dishes or whatever. In other words, whatever happens, even if she never said anything, the only time that i'll watch anything outside would be when I'm alone at home.

But then she went and nearly yelled at me to get it off. When i asked her if she just doens't want me to watch TV, she said yes, she doesn't want me to watch TV, because that big plasma screen is HER's.

Then she went on and said that I'm completely selfish, spoiled, that I already have my own computer, and everything.

FUCK. Dammit, i know I already have everything I would want. But it's really not like I'm going to be glued to the TV now. Even when I'm on the comp I rarely watch the eps. It takes too fucking long to watch an ep, and I'd rather waste my time reading.

You know, it wouldn't have mattered to me if she just said she'd rather not have me watch too much stuff on the TV. But she actually said that the TV's HER's and that she doesn't want me to watch at all.

It really fucking hurts.

But you know, even as I'm actually crying right now, I wonder is she's right, if I really am completely spoiled and selfish. Do I even have the RIGHT in the first place to complain about it? I mean, the TV does belong to her. I really have no right to it, considering it's not like I actually paid for it. In fact, I'm currently living under my parent's roof, eating their food, wearing clothes that they bought with their own money, driving their car, using a computer that while I call my own, are really bought by them, in a room that's theirs, sitting at the a desk that never belonged to me.

I guess she is right. After all, I need to pay them back, not take more from them. I'm so fucking selfish. Heh, figured considering it's me we're talking about here.

I have no right to even watch that TV. I mean, I even have a Playstation 2, and technically already have my own TV in the other room. It's very selfish and spoiled of me to expect to be able to watch the plasma TV.

On top of that, the fact that I'm even complaining at all just showed how spoiled I am. Geez, I'm a fucking little spoiled bitch, aren't I? ^^;;;;; I'm such a fuck tard. Mom's completely right, hell, I shoudln't even have this comp in the first place, or anything that I currently have.

I may say that I paid all the anime stuff i bought with my own money, but they were the one's who paid me, and what did I do to earn that money, anyway? Most kids my age do the dishes and clean the house on their own without getting paid. Plus, who the hell ever get paid for their GRADES?! Fuck, i'm like the only one who gets this privelige, and I don't even appreciate it.

I can't wait to get a job. Then I can maybe slowly pay them back. I hate my self, geez. I can't believe I'm complaining at all about this whole thing.

Fuck.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 31, 2003

I'm currently very, very sad. T.T I couldn't find ANY fandom on Naruto! *weeps* T.T I can't believe it. With a series as popular as Naruto, you'd think that there are tons of fandoms for it. But nooooo, I made tons of searches, and all it came up where blogs that mentions the series. T.T Not to mention SasuNaru...I found all of zero fanfics of that pairing that isn't on FF.net. *weeps bitterly* T.T

I'm extremely sad right now. I didn't go to school again today, but I don't feel as guilty this time since I really did miss absolutely nothing. I also managed to do some math hw. Yay! I need to do my fallacy stuff for Setliff, though. >.< Ugh, that sucks.

Anywayz, I LOVE SASUNARU! In other words, SasukexNaruto. ^^;;; They're just so damned adorable! XD And before I sort of liked KakashixIruka, but after reading this one particular series of fanfics with that pairing, I come to love it even more. Much more. ^________^ And I still adore NejiLee, even if there are next to nothing on those two. *sigh* But I want more SasuNaru!~!!! T.T I found some kakkoi pictures, though, but almost all the fanarts sites that I found were Japanese. T.T Not that it's a bad thing, but still, I could barely find what I want. T.T

Oh yeah, I started reading Zombie Powder last night. It be really kakkoi, too. ^_________^ Actaully, the whole thing made me think of Trigun. Seriously, even the main character makes me think of Vash. With one major difference. Gamma kills with absolutely no qualms, while Vash can't kill, period. ^^;;;;; Talk about polar opposites. But anywayz, even with the similarities between the two, I still like Zombie Powder. I like the characters a lot. I like Gamma (he's kakkoi), Elmwood (kawaiiiii!), C.T. Smith (*droolz*) and even the only girl in the group, Wolfina. She got one huge bust, though. O.o But she's pretty neat, too. ^____^

The artist is the same as the guy who did Bleach, but you know, I've really come to like the art style after reading Bleach. So yeah, no enjoyment taken out there.

I've been dling the last three volumes the whole day. I THOUGHT Rachel gave me all four vol of Zombie Powder, but I guess not. *shrugs*

I hope I'll be able to see her tomorrow morning, so I can ask her about Naruto. ^_________^ I WANT THE ANIME!!!! *droolz at the thought.* Mmm, I wanna hear Sasuke's voice. He and Sakura only appeared in one scene of the first ep, and the only thing he said was "hn". ^^;;;;; Sasuke's Naruto version of Hiei and Rukawa. XD

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 29, 2003

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I LOVE NARUTO!!! XD

Indeed the previous line shows that I've FINALLY began to read Naruto. And dammit, no WONDER everyone loved it so much. *_________* Mmm, it be very, very good. Very good.

The art, i think, it's not nessassarily as good as HxH, but then again, it's in a completely different style so you can't really compare them in that way. If I have to say a series or an artist that Naruto's art is most similar to, I'd have to actually say Toriyama Akira, actually. Weird, ne? But Kishimoto Masashi's art is similar in the way that he drew the characters short, rather than the popular "tall, slender, and elegant" look that a lot of mangaka go for. But then again, it's all a matter of personal style.

Whatever the case is, the art really grows on you. The characters, too.

I absolutely adore some of the characters in there, and not all of them are good guys. Well, technically you can't really rank them by good or bad guys, but whatever. ^^;;; Let's see, Sasuke-kun is just absolutely DELICIOUS. XD He's so kawaii, and so pretty, too. *_______* He may not be the most bishounen of the whole cast (as there are just waaaaaay too many characters you gotta compare him against) but he's definitely the most popular one, both in the manga, AND out. And we can't ignore Naruto, the main character of the show, ne? ^___________^ He's simply adorable, cute, clueless, and determined. Very nice character. Even the main female character grew on me after a while. I never liked Sakura, but you know, after a while, she isn't as bad as before.

The story line is like HxH, in the sense that the characters had to take a long exam to become something that they're achieving for (in HxH, Gon-tachi had to take the Hunters exam to get the Hunters License, in Naruto, Naruto-tachi had to take the Chuuin exam to become Chuuin) and even some of the exams were similar (the final prelim in Naruto is like the final one-on-one in HxH, except more extreme). Even the characters were a bit similar, although not that much (Gon is eternally cheerful and forever determined, ditto with Naruto. But Naruto have a worser temper by far).

The other series that I want to mention that I thought of when I read Naruto, is in face Slam Dunk of all things. O.o The main reason i thoguht of them is the way Naruto acted. Good God, if that's not Hanamichi, I don't know WHAT is. O____O. Determined, boastful, wanting to be the best, and wanting to become better than their rival, those describe Naruto and Sakuragi Hanamichi perfectly. Not only that, but look at the corresponding rivals. Uchiha Sasuke and Rukawa Kaede. They're both cold and emotionless, both are trying to achieve their individual goal, both prefers to work alone, and both are rivals to the main character of the show but is forced to work with them no matter what.

in fact, throughout reading Naruto, I kept on expecing Naruto to scream at Sasuke "TEME KITSUNE!!!" and Sasuke muttering "Do'aho" under his breath. -_-;;;; Yeah, that's how much Naruto and Sasuke reminds me of Sakuragi and Rukawa. Scary, ne?

But anywayz, there are so many sugoi characters. Like Hyuga Neji (*______* Pretty, but definitely like to look down on "losers") and Gaara (pretty, but scary as hell. O.o). THe one thing with Gaara that caused me to not put his name on my fav chara list, is that he really does scares the hell outta me. I like him. I love him, I really do. But he really, really, really, really, REALLY freaks me out. Plus, he beat up Rock Lee and now I don't even know if Lee'll be able to become a ninja any more. T.T

As for yaoi... *crackles* Too many hints, too many. The most obvious is the one between Sasuke and Naruto. Hell, in the second chapter of the manga, they even literally KISSED. On the lips and everything. Talk about suble hints. ^^;;;; Then there was the part in the ZabuzaHaku arc where Sasuke saved Naruto, and Naruto then went crazy when he throught Sasuke died, and nearly released the Nine Tails. That, I swear, is my fav part. *thinks* Wait, I take it back, my fav part is in the Chuuin exam final prelims when Sasuke said to Naruto "I want to fight you, too, Naruto". Now THAT is my fav part. The expression on Naruto's face was absolutely priceless. ^^;;

My second fav pairing is actually two pairings. Neji/Lee and Kakashi/Iruka. ^^;;; Neji/Lee, I just like it, even though Lee really ISN'T a bishounen, no matter how you look at him. But there are hints, and I find it extremely...um, I don't know the word for it, but I like the rivalry between those two. It's like Sasuke and Naruto, except not as out in the open. You finally find out about Neji and Lee's rivalry in the chapter where Lee fights with Gaara. But anywayz, it's kakkoi, and even though I want a happy ending with those two, most likely this romance will just be bittersweet and angsty. ^^;;

And Kakashi/Iruka...i don't know. Don't ask. ^^;;;

My last fav pairing, and the only pairing left that i like, is actually Yuri. It's Ino/Sakura. There are so many hints to that, too, especially during the match between them in the Chuuin exam. They were best friends, but were torn apart by their mutual crush on Sasuke. And really, if you look at it, BOTH their crushes are quite artificial. I don't doubt that Sakura really cares for Sasuke, but that true care only came after Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto became a team and got to know each other. But Sakura knew Ino for a long time before that, and Ino was the one who changed Sakura and made her more confident. So if I'd say who's more important in Sakura's life, it's definitely Ino. But anyway, i just thought that their rivalry's really neat, almost a female version of Sasuke/Naruto. ^^;;;

Anywayz, I'll shut up now. Hm...should I continue reading or go to sleep, I wonder?

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 29, 2003

I spent about today on food and clothes. That's the most I've ever spent on clothes. O.o

But anywayz, I got a pair of shoes that I THINK are loafers. They're black and pretty comfortable, although obviously not leather since it's pretty cheap or so. And a pair of black pants for . I thought they were pretty good, although not my normal tomboy-ish style, but my dad got pissed off at me for not buying real leather shoes, and not buying better cotton pants. Good god, I had only to spend, and I needed to eat too! >.< ONe pair of leather shoes can be up to while a pair of good pants cost upt o . Excuse me for not buying them! >.<

Overall it was a fun day, though, although I had to get up early, and I got up a bit late, and had to call Laura to set time to half an hour later. It was still fun, although I did spend a lot of money. ^^;;;; I guess shopping isn't such a bad thing.

THe problem is, since my parents didn't like the clothes I bought, my mom might take me shopping again tonight or tomrrow. T.T Nooooooo!~!!!! The REASON why I asked Laura to help out was because I didn't want my mom with me, because it's annoying to have your parents there. But I hope it won't be too bad. *sigh*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 28, 2003

I think I have a really bad case of inferiority complex. No matter how I look at it, I kept on thinking that Nettie doesn't care much about me any more. Every time i read her emails, it sounds like she really doesn't care to email me, and only emailed me because I bugged her to, and that she values Lianne's opinion much more. *sigh* Goddamned, this sucks.

Tomorrow's the shopping trip. Wish me luck. :)

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, March 27, 2003

Hehe, being a while since I last updated. Not because I got bored with this place, more like I was too busy to update.

I got Kazaa, as said before, and if I keep that thing on, then I can do absolutely nothing because that program takes so much memory to run. So basically, I could barely even check my email while downloading on that thing. Soo....beside downloading manga, I did nothing else.

Plus, I really was pretty busy in the past week. I'm so tired right now... *yawns* @__@ I can't say I got very little sleep, but for some odd reason, the whole week seemed so hecktick that I seemed to have had less sleep that I did. I think it had something to do with last Sunday. When I got back last sunday, I was so tired, and my dad made me do some chores around the house (not much, only vacuming, actually) and I didn't get to bed until a bit late.

Kyra had been seriously pissing me off lately. I don't know how, but suddenly I noticed just how ANNOYING she is all the time. *sigh* Basically now I snap at her sometimes. I still tries to be pleasant, but sometimes I coudln't help it. For example, today, I snapped at her several times in Olstad because, good god, how hard is it to just shut up and follow directions?! >.<

Anywayz, i already ranted to Laura about it, so I think I'll not rant again on here. ^^;;

On a side note, though, I handed in ONE application so far, to GameStop. They're not hiring, though, so that sucked. I still need to finish filling out the applications for Suncaost and Sam Goody but I think I'll be able to get them done by Saturday to hand in.

Also, I need for formal clothes, nicer clothes that aren't jeans, tshirts, and sneakers, so Saturday Laura's going to take me shopping for "nice clothes". ^^;;;;; I need all this for the job interviews (hopefully) in the future, plus I'll probably need them in the future, future for things that require you to not wear t-shirts and jeans. Plus, actually, I'm in need of a new pair of jeans. My current two pairs, one is about to fall apart, and the other is too damned big on me. So. ^^;;;;

Anywayz, Laura said she can probably get some good deals for me, so that's good. And it's always a good idea to shop with someone who knows how to shop. The only thing is, I hope she won't get annoyed with me if I don't cooperate... ^^;;;

On Sunday we're going to UA for research again. *sigh* While it's nice to get outta the house, I don't wanna do research! T.T It took us the whole day last Sunday, and when I got back, I was so damned tired.

I got the whole weekend taken up, unfortunately. So no lots of sleep for me. *sigh* Oh yeah, my parents are taking the Camery on Saturday to phoenix. I really wanna go (I want to go to Fry's Electronics to see if they still have any Star Ocean II left) but I think the clothes are more important right now (as I really need them ready if I should be called to have an interview). So basically I'll have to take a spin around the neighborhood in my mom's car, and probably drive that one around on Saturday. *sigh* Oh well, I guess it's still okay.

NOt much else going on. Had tons of stuff due and stuff. I failed the first math test, but I did okay ont he quiz today, so I hope that on the chap 11 test I'll do good enought o bring me back to an A. I REALLY need that A right now. T.T My mom's already pretty pissed at me for the B in Priest. But with the research project, I'm fairly sure I can get an A outta it (I mean, if TANYA got an A on it, I can too) and get an A in that class for semester.

Oh yeah, I'm getting all of Full Metal Panic now, too, from Mike, this guy at school. I don't like the series THAT much (I haven't watched that much of it, though) but it seems to get better after ep 5 (where I last stopped at). I don't like Chidori. But you know, Sousuke reminds me a LOT of Heero and Kurt (or whatever the super cool blond dude's name is) reminds me of Duo with his joking ways. So. YAAAAOIIIIIII!!! XD

Anywayz, that's all. I should shut up now. ^^;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 22, 2003

I downloaded Kazaa last night and started to download stuff. I may hate it, but hey, at least I can get some songs before I delete it again. I can't even remember how many times i downloaded it, installed it, used it for downloading one song, and then deleted it. ^^;; Happened waaaaaay too many times.

Anywayz, I did find some goodies, though. although Napster was better than Kazaa in terms of selection (before they died a pathetic death, anyway). I find it sad that I type in Dir en Grey, and it would only come up around 4 selections. -_-;;;;

But, I did find Yokan (yatta!) along with several of DeG's other songs. Drain Away's a good song, even though I haven't finished downloading it yet. Also found Pat Benetar's Invincible. I've been looking for that song forever. XD Also found a few Luna Sea stuff, and also Parasite Eve stuff. Kazaa's so damned slow, though. >.<

NOt only that, but Kazaa takes up so much memory on my comp to run. I mean, after I start it up, I can barely do anything else on my comp, and that seriously sucks. That's why there's no way I'm going to keep that thing on here. It makes my compy waaaaay too slow.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 21, 2003

Heh, I knew it. I really did; really expected it. But that doesn't mean I didn't hope.

I got that B in Asia. >.< Dammit, I was pretty damned close. If only he didn't include that last test in there. There are so many "if only"s. But yeah, I failed. There goes my GPA again.

My mom didn't say anything. She sort of laughed at me, though. I can't help wonder if she didn't believe I would get straight A's in the first place. I don't know if I should be glad that she have such a low expectation of me, or happy that she didn't blow up. Both are pretty damn bad.

Now i have to go and get an appointment with my counsilor. I need to know my current GPA. Dammit. Like I said, there goes my GPA.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 21, 2003

The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, March 20, 2003

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *weeps* Dammit, I might have a B in Priest's class!!! T.T The thing is, it all depends on if he included that last test of ours. He told sixth period that he didn't include it in the report card, but he told me that it will be for last quarter's grade. IF he didn't include it, then I have an A (hopefully, probably). BUT, if he included it, then I have an 87. A definite B. *weeps* Good God, if I have ANY Bs right now, even if only ONE, I'll be so dead. My parents'll start getting on my case about being online and download all the time and stuff. There's no way they'll even let me outta the house any more.

But you know, there are so many things I have to worry 'bout now. *sigh tiredly* My number one worry is my grade in Priest (I'm FAIRLY sure I had As in all my other classes...not that I checked or anything). My second is registration for classes for next year. I REALLY hope I can get all the classes I want, because last year I went first, so this year i go either second or last. I hope second, because if I go last, there's no way I'll be able to get the classes I wanted.

My third worry is next year. This year i've been slacking off so badly that I'm afraid I'm getting used to it. Meaning next year, with all the APs and such, there's no way I can keep up if I continue to slack off. So I'm hoping to cure myself of this this summer, but how can I in the SUMMER?!

My last worry is SATs. Thankfully that one is still a bit way off, but still, I can't help but be worried. My parents expect me to get at least a 1400. AT LEAST. a 1400 is considered an average. How can I even get a 1300?! Good god, I probably could count myself lucky to get a 1200 on the SATs, over 1400?! Dream ON! *weeps*

And that brings up another worry, with less than a 1400, and with a GPA that's probably not very high, how can I expect to get a scholarship to MIT?! Even Aubrey, super studious, smart, and all together good student, was surprised and wished me luck and all. If that's the case, there's no way I can even get a fucking CENT outta that school. Hell, they probabyl won't even accept me! o__o;;;;; T.T Good god, it'll be so disappointing to my parents if I have to go to UA. Not that it's a bad school, but dammit, that's my lowest goal. In my mom's eyes, even though she said otherwise, UofA is the worst of disappointments.

*sighs* I just finished crying, you know. Most likely I'll continue to cry tonight when the lights are out and sleep comes.

I wish I could tell Laura that I'm bi. But I'm afraid to, 'cause she said that she doesn't mind gay or bi people, provided that they stay away from her and don't make out in public. How would she feel if she knew that one of her better friends (I won't say best, because I doubt I'm her best friend) is bi? For that matter, when am I going to ever come out to Nettie, too? She said she doesn't mind gay people, and she likes shounen ai somewhat (my influence) but really, how WOULD she feel if her best friend is bi? Still, I wonder if she already knows. I mean, I don't necessarily make it a secret. No one just ever asked, so I never really said anything. That, and I am scared. But still, she's not stupid. She's being around me long enough, I think. But then again, she might've gotten used to how I act that she just chalks it off as being Shannon.

Whatever the case is, I wish I can just come out to Laura and Nettie. In fact, I nearly came out to Laura just now, on AIM. But I decided not to. Not a good idea to get her estranged.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, March 18, 2003

You know, while in the shower today, I realized why I liked the Zoku Cutlass character designs (specifically Tsubasa and Tokimaru) so much. For some ODD ODD reason, they resembles Setsuna Mudou and Kira Sakuya VERY MUCH. O.o I have no idea how that happened, but they did. I think it's mostly Tsubasa's obvious uke-ness, yet still very bad ass (he smokes and gropes the nurse, although she's not much to look at) and Tokimaru, while not as emotionless as Kira-sempai, is constantly on the look out for his little brother, much like the sword-turn-human in Angel Sanctuary. It's true that Kira-sempai and Setsuna was, is, and will never be in a relationship (considering Setsuna's obse-er, love, that is, for Sarah), still there are some shounen ai undertones (mostly the "I must protect him" theme in terms of Kira). I don't particularly like Kira/Setsuna (I sort of prefer Kira/Katou) but I don't hate it either, but I DO like Tokimaru/Tsubasa a lot. ^_________^ They're so kawaii together! Especially Tokimaru's protectiveness of his little "brother". I nearly squealed every time he said "I will always protect you". *__________*

Anywayz, not much else. Tomorrow's a half day, so no 0 hour, so I can get up an hour later (YATTA!) and also get out way early. I'm probably gonna go to the mall to look for job. ^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 17, 2003

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! I went to take a look at the job oppurtunity, and it turned out that I'll have to be 17 to get it! T.T They were still looking, too, and I just happens to be too young. *weeps* NOOOOOOOOO! T.T Now I'll have to go to the mall to take a look. But the mall is so damned far away from my house. *weeps*

Oh well. ^^;; Still, it's damned annoying that it's 17 and up. What's up with THAT? I mean, there are plenty of 16 year olds working. It's not like we can't work or something. *rolls eyes* I just hope I might be able to find a job at the mall, though. I REALLY need a job. Need the money. Desperately. T.T

On a second note, I realized that the lady who drew Cutlass is in fact the same one who drew Seimaden, Higuri Yuu! *_____* And in fact, Ludwig II was also done by her, too. ^^;; But dammit, her art is so pretty....but what really sucks is that Cutless is stopped at volume 2, and now it's titled Zoku Cutlass, while a new one came out called Cutlass: Time of the Boys. The characters are sort of the same in Time of the Boys. But the character designs changed! *wails* Higuri-sensei made Tsubasa more girly than before (which sucks 'cause I LOVE Tsubasa being more musculine) and made Tokimaru change from his awesome punk clothes to just normal shirt and jeans. T.T NOOOOOOOOO! I wish she just went on with Zoku Cutlass, or at least kept the character designs the same. T.T But at least now I recognize Higuri-sensei as a VERY good manga artist. Her art is just so damned pretty! *______* And she gives lots and lots of yummy shounen ai and yaoi stuff. ^_____^

Ooooh, but on a happier note, I found a workable link to the FFX-2 intro and downloaded it. It's good, but I dunno, I guess I listened to Real Emotion too much, and watched the music video too much, that it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. ^^;; Oh wel, it was still good. Now if only I can find workable links to the first three movies... *mutters to herself*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 17, 2003

I got the Author's Ink webpage up! YATTA!! ^___________^ And it doesn't look half bad, either. Me like. Of course, I had to "borrow" the layout, but thaaaaaaat's okay. ^^;;

On a second note, i totally forgot to write the essay for Priest, and it was due today. So basically it'll be late. T.T Dammit, I swear I'm gonna get a B in there, and my mom'll KILL MEE!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! T.T

BUT, Laura said she got a 30 outta 50 on the test, and she had a 92 in his class. MAYBE I'll have a chance to get an A. *prays even though I don't believe in God*

Anywayz, away from the depressing topic. ^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 14, 2003

Nettie and I kept on having this debate/argument over whether FFX-2 is good or not, with me trying to convince her that FFX-2 will be good and interesting, and overall Yuna and Rikku AREN'T slutty (even though I still think they are), and with her trying to convince me that they are and that the game is no good. The thing is, I even agree with her on that their outfits are a bit scary (their default anyway), but I'm still arguing FOR FFX-2.

I really don't know if I should be amused about this little argument going back and forth in emails, or be annoyed. ^^;;

I guess what I was trying to do is to make her look on both sides rather than take a definite stand against FFX-2, even though she barely knows anything about it, only saw some random screen caps, but just generally don't know a damn thing about it. But am I qualified to hold my own stand on it?

I may say that she's not qualified to speak against it, yet I know very well that only a few weeks ago, before I saw the pretty promos and videos, _I_ myself was saying how stupid FFX-2 is and how slutty the characters are. So now that I know more about it, and generally start to obsess over it (which is what's going on, really), am I that big of a hypocrite? For that matter, am I really qualified to actually go and chastise Nettie, saying that she needs to do more research before having that opinion?

*sigh* It's times like these that I'm glad only I know of this place. I can now really put down my thoughts.

Whatever the case is, I'm pretty disgusted with myself right now. And in fact, I find myself taking a definite stand against the FFX-2 haters, just because Nettie is against it. Why?

Nettie also asked for link to toriyamaworld.com, the place where I downloaded Hikago and HxH manga. I refused to give to her earlier. Why? I kept on feeling threatened. Am I afraid that once she gets all these links from me and others, soon she'll surpass me, and don't need me any more? Isn't that what happened with me and Trace and La? Once upon a time, they knew more anime than I did. Now I'm probably on par with them. Am I afraid that it'll happen with me and Nettie? Specifically, am I afraid to loose dominance over my FRIEND?!

I don't understand this at all. It's almost like a jealousy. Before Nettie met Leighann and Kira and Daniel, I was her best friend, in fact nearly her only friend. Then she met those three and suddenly she's getting tons of stuff from them, too, information, images, a whole lot of stuff. Suddenly I'm not so needed any more. Before, I had everything, she didn't even have internet, so I sometimes give her things, CDs and such. But now, she got a better comp than mine, more space, and internet also. Now I can't even call her, and every time I talk to her, she gets something new, more things. Soon she'll not need me at all, isn't that right?

Am I afraid of that? To be not needed any more? Is that why I suddenly go on these rampages of downloads, trying to go everywhere and find everything all at once? Is that why I constantly email her with all the new things I found or got? Is that why I kept on giving her news, as if I just always know more than her? Am I trying to establish my superiority over her, by showing her that I know more, that I have more, and that if she wants to know as much as I do, she'll have to depend on me?

Am I really that pathetic and sick?

Good God, I can't believe this is happening. I kept on wishing that Nettie would go back to being who she was, before meeting Kira and Leighann and Daniel, before knowing so much about anime, before she got that new computer and internet. Back to that time when I was seriously needed.

I have a really bad inferiority complex, don't I? I need help. Dammit

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I found the actual Real Emotion Music vid today, and I watched. It's not bad, although Koda Kumi is not nearly as pretty as Hikki and she dances like a...well, whatever. THe cool thing is, throughout the music vid are random flashes of FFX-2, of the section where Yuna's singing and dancing on stage in her Songstress costume to Real Emotion. So basically you get to also see her dance and stuff. ^-^ That's pretty neat. The coolest part, though, I think are the flashes of Rikku and Paine beating the crap outta soldiers, and also this one flashback to the period of the first game, with Yuna and Tidus dressed in their normal clothes, and then getting shot and falling backwards. It was sad, but that may explain certain things in FFX-2's plot. One thing I noticed is that after Yuna was shot, when she woke up, she woke up in her Songstress costume in a field of white flowers. It was actually sort of pretty. And I'm wondering if she infact dreamt the whole sequence with them getting shot, OR, after they got shot, they weren't being shot at all, and so if Yuna's alive somewhere, so is Tidus. Or something. ^^;;

Whatever the case is, the music vid is actually pretty cool. Although as I said before, Koda Kumi's not nearly as pretty as Hikki. >.<

KH2 is already confirmed by Square yesterday. YAY!! I hope they'll still have Hikki do the second game's opening, though. That'll be absolutely awesome, and I would love to hear new songs by her. ^_____^

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 10, 2003

I found a wav copy of the real Emotion vid and watched it in Tech today. It wasn't bad. most interesting. I actually thought it was not bad and there were scenes of actual battles, and damn, it looked pretty neat. They had this little Tri combo thing with all three attacking at the same time, doing it almost like Valkyrie Profile with attack adding up to attack. At least that's what it looked like anyway.

The song is definitely addicting. I still have to say that the "What can I do for you" part is damned repetitive and annoying, but the rest of the song ain't bad. And it's interesting to see Yuna actually singing and dancing to it.

The coolest part of the vid is the very beginning when you see the cut scenes that goes to the beat of the song, and then the end where you see what appears to be like a flashback of Tidus running with Yuna away from soldiers and stuff. That was a pretty cool section.

The whole Dress-Up system is sort of weird. I'm assuming that they're seriously going to be only have three playable characters? Whatever the case is, Square is having WAAAAAY too much fun reeling in their male customers.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 8, 2003

While wandering around the Gamingforce Forum, I found out that the lady who did the OST for .hack is the same who did for Noir!

Good god, I have no idea if I should feel ecstatic or feel stupid. *sweatdrop*

I remember while listening to .hack stuff and Noir stuff that I thought those two OSTs are very similar. Not to say the melodies are similar, but the feel to the songs. Because of this similarity, I can never say which OST I like better, .hack or Noir. Now I know why they sounded similar.

On one hand, I should be happy that i have good enough of an ear to guess that they're done by the same lady, but on the other hand, i feel stupid for not knowing in the first place. *sweatdrop*

But yeah, currently I'm VERY happy that I found out about Yuki Kajiura. ^__________^

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 8, 2003

I was just on Gamingforce's forum and one particular thread caught my eye. It was "who's your favorite VGM composer and why you like them." Unfortunately, since I don't have an account on the forum, I'll just have to answer on here. ^-^

Yasunori Mitsuda currently is probably my absolute fav VGM composer right now. Ever since I played Chrono Trigger, I've been enchanted with his works. He have a fairly simple style in terms of music, as can be told from tracks in both Chrono Trigger and Cross. I believe he uses the simple melodies to drive the point of emotion across to the audience. I heard that he had a bit of a failing with a few VGMs after Xenogears; I don't know much about the details. But I have to admit, the Xenosaga OST is a great comeback.

I really can't say if I consider his newest OST to be a masterpiece, or slightly lacking compared to his earlier works. It's certainly differet, which is the reason I'm having such a hard time deciding.

The Xenosaga OST is a lot...harder, with tracks that are very close to things that I consider to be the dramatic themes or battle themes. They are songs that get you totally pumped up for a good fight. This is completely different than his Chrono Trigger, which had a more melodic sound to them. There is the fact that the tracks are actually orchestrated. If it wasn't for the fact that they were ORCHESTRATED, I wouldn't have been so enamored with this harder style, because using an orchestra nearly screams at you to do it harder.

On the other hand, the Xenosaga OST isn't completely different from his older things. Tracks like "Rising Emotion" and "Shion ~Past Memory~" are more similar to his style of using simple melodies to drive the emotions across.

Yoko Shimomura, while I only recently got aquainted with this composer, I have to admit, she is one that I would definitely look more out for. Her work on Kingdom Hearts was fantastic, although you coudln't really really see HER except in the Kairi themes, as all the rest are basically remixes of Disney songs. However, I do remember her older work on Parasite Eve. I don't remember as much in terms of details on her work on that game, but I know I had a very, very good impression. I'm currently looking around for the PE OST. I'm fairly sure that in the near future, she will rise even more in my standards.

Nobuo Uematsu is one that I've admired for a long time. He is, in fact, the one who mainly brought me into the VGM world. However, while his works are impressive, there hadn't been anything new that truely actually IMPRESSED me. All of his works had been far above average, yet none really jumped out.

His work on FF9 wasn't particularly the greatest, I have admit. Nothing truely jumped out at me; while they were good music, somehow it was lacking in some way.

I will refrain from mentioning FF8 as I abhor that game, and I will not wish to have my biased opinion of the GAME interfere with the music. However, I must say, Liberi Fatali ranks all the way up there with One Winged Angel. And that's saying alot. But other than that, FF8 doesn't have anything else that really stood out.

His work on Final Fantasy X. I got mixed feelings on that one. While some of the music in it was good, others just never even registered in my brain. However, some of the good ones really were good. So basically it's halve and halve.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 7, 2003

I just found out today about the new FFX-2 songs, Real Emotion and 1000 no Kotoba (1000 Words) sang by Koda Kumi. I searched around a bit, and finding Real Emotion wasn't that hard. Almost everyone said that Real Emotion is such an awesome song, but you know, it's only okay by my standard. Hikki had way better songs. Although I have to admit, this Koda Kumi have a pretty nice voice, make me think of Hikki, in fact, except with a clearer voice rather than Hikki's more breathier tone and more jazzish feel. I do like the song, but the "what can I do for you" repeats are soooo repetitive and a bit annoying. ^^;;

I'm trying to find 1000 no Kotoba right now. This one is a bit harder to find, unfortunately

Apparently these two songs were actually first show on two new FFX-2 trailers/commercials. And apparently, you actually get to see Yuna singing to the songs and dancing to it and stuff on a stage like a live concert. That's all nice and dandy, but I dunno, the idea is a bit scary. It's YUNA, we're talking about here. O.o But then again, this IS the Yuna whom Square made to dress in skimpy clothes and tot around a pair of guns. *snorts* Whatever.

I tried to get the vids, but you know, while I want to watch them, I'm not THAT desperate, not like how I was with Deep Dive. ^^;;; The files'll probably be pretty big, so I doubt I'm gonna bother.

Hmm, even though I don't care much for FFX-2, I guess I don't mind playing it when it come out. I mean, I played FFX and nearly all the other FFs, why not the first direct sequel that Square's ever done? I suppose it's interesting enough. At least I get to play as Paine. ^-^

Oh yeah, and while looking around for Real Emotion, i found out that in this sequel Lulu and Wakka are in fact married and are in fact expecting a baby. O.o I have no idea if I should feel happy or pissed off. Probably both. I'm happy because I really do like having Lulu and Wakka together, as those two are my two fav characters. But I also happens to have a bunch of other pairings like Wakka/Tidus or Lulu/Yuna (or with Rikku, whatever). As you can see, I'm not too strict on the pairings, which shows that I'm not too big of a fan of the series. ^^;; On the other hand, I hate the fact that Square seriously tied off a loose end. I mean, this is how fanfics are spun from. If they tie it off, where do the fanfics go? Now we'll all know that Wakka and Lulu are married, and are going to have a kid in fact. Shut, close, end of the story. What else can you add to it?

So basically that's one part that I got a real mixed feeling about. *sigh*

Well, whatever. From what I can tell, Japan's pretty hyped about this release. To be expected; they're Japanese. The biggest gamers in the world. ^^;;

Anywayz, off the topic of FFX-2, Laura's coming over tomorrow to work together on the Olstad extracredit. I was afraid that I was going to be stuck home and have nothing to do tomorrow. Still, I'll pretty much have a whole day of to myself tomorrow with no parents to bug me. Plus, they'll be home pretty late, from what I can tell, due to the fact that where they're going is pretty far.

I hope they'll be okay, though. They said that the area is a bit shady, and it's far from Tucson. Well, like I said, I hope they'll be okay on this trip.

On a side note, my dad tried to link our comps up in a network so we can both be online at the same time. Unfortunately, it didn't work. And unfortunately, he majorly screwed stuff up on my comp.

Now the Netwaiting won't do the call waiting thing any more. instead, it just automatically disconnect me, which is extremely annoying to me when I'm downloading something. ~.~ In fact, I was at 90% on downloading Pain from the Xenosaga Kokoro Single, it's 7. something Megs, and Laura called. And there goes my 30 minutes wasted. After the call, I had to start all over again. >.<

On top of that, AIM somehow woudln't work. I had to reinstall it twice before it worked, and I still don't know if it'll continue to work or it'll get screwed again later. *sigh*

Goddamned it, this is why I hate it when he just comes along and messes with my comp. ~_~

I was so pissed after my messed up downloading that I started to cry. I guess stuff just builds up and burst out. My mom saw me, but I don't think she cares as much since she forgot about it as soon as she left my room. She came in to tell me to get off 'cause she had to use the phone.

After that, I was just so frustrated with everything on my comp that I couldn't stop crying. But after a while, I managed to stop, so that's good. I just wished that I cried when my parents coudln't catch me at it, though. I hate to see them see me cry.

I had to bite myself pretty hard to try to keep in control. It didn't work the greatest, I could only stop crying when I was hurting, but as soon as I stopped biting, I started to want to cry again. *sigh*

Overall, today had been both a good and a bad day. A pretty even mix, although I'd say it leans more toward bad than good. I've been so stressed out and worried about my English grade that stress is piling again. >.<

Well, whatever. i think I'm just going to go to sleep now. Oyasumi.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, March 7, 2003

WEEKEND~!!!!!!!!!!!! *_______* I can't wait to go home~!!! ^____^

Gaaah, gotta go.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, March 6, 2003

I'm almost done with dling the Xenosaga OST, yay!!! ^__________^ I really do like this OST, although it's dramatically different than the other stuff that Yasunori Mitsuda-san is famous for, for example, the Chrono Trigger OST. The Xenosaga OST is more...hard. THere are less slow or soft songs, most of them sounds like in the middle of a battle or something. But they still sound awesome. So basically I'll listen to the Xenosaga OST when I want really inspiring but fast paced battle music. ^____^

I looked at the Boogiepop Phantom, but what sucks is that only some of the files worked, other have images, but have a weird (but good) Japanese song playing instead of the anime bgm and talking. That really sucks. >.< And one of the eps won't work. I made a copy, anyway, for those eps that do work.

I also looked at the Rahxephone, and it looks pretty good, surprisingly. The art is not bad (at least the main chara is pretty). The third ep was screwed up, though. T.T The opening song I know I have, and I'm fairly sure it's Maya Sakamoto, but I don't remember the song's name, and they didn't translate it during opening. *sigh* Oh well, I'll probably have it figured out later.

Mou ii, I wish I have the time to do all the things I wanted to do. *sigh*

Btw, I thought Kokoro means Heart in Japanese? For some odd reason the Xenosaga song, is called Spirit (Kokoro) as if Kokoro is the Japanese word for Spirit. THat's really weird.

Well, doesn't matter, I guess.

Geez, my hands are feezing. >.<

I just found out from jess that Kokoro means heart, mind, and spirit. So now it makes more sense as to the name of the Xenosaga song. ^_____^ Still, I'm a bit annoyed at myself for always thinking that kokoro means only heart.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, March 6, 2003

I'll have to give .hack back today. T.T Oh well. ^^;;

We are currently playing with saws in Mr. M's class. It's scary as hell, but fun, too. ^^;; The descriptions he told us of "accidents" were really, really, gross. >.<

Not much else to say. Anou...WHEEEEEE?

I can't wait to go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I read about the problem with Xenosaga and Star Ocean 3 the other day. in a way, I'm sort of glad now that I havne't bought Xenosaga yet since they said that the bug happens mostly on the older models of PS2, which is mine, sort of, since mine is the older batch. But still, I want that game. T.T

I dont' think I'll be able to get it any time soon, unfortunately. *sigh* Too bad, too bad. I might be able to convince Tanya to buy it or something. on the other hand, she said she's gonna buy Dark Cloud 2 so I might be able to borrow that from her. ^-^

Grades are going to come out soon. And I think I might have a B in Setliff 'cause I wasn't there for two assignments and I have no idea what I was supposed to make up. T.T And unfortunately, Setliff is so disorganized that you can't even ask her to see what I'm missing without her snapping at you. It already happened twice to me, actually. *sigh* I hope I have an A in there, though.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, March 5, 2003

I was going to put this in my previous post, but I figured since this is a totally different subject, might as well post a new thing.

I BEAT .HACK//INFECTION! ^____________^ The totally annoying thing was, I got through the last dungeon, killed all the monsters and even got an All Dundeon Portals Open. I leveled up at least 3 times! And then what happens? I was trying to kill Skeith, and when I died, I was trying to get BlackRose and Sanjuro to revive me. UNFORTUNATELY, they ran out of Resurrects. >.< And the stupid thing was, RIGHT AFTER I died, the Data Drain message came up against Skeith. T.T I was SOOOOO close to beating him that time! *weeps* And then I died, so I had to go through the whole thing all over again. Except I was pissed, it was late, and I wanted to see the ending, so I went through the dungeon using the shortest route rather than go after everything. Grrrr, I'm so pissed. >.<

However, I did beat it the second time. ^_______^ The ending is confuzzling, though. You don't even find out what exactly happened to Kite after he get blown away into unconsciousness. And also, Helba was there, and she called the THING Cubia. O.o What's up with THAT? But then again, i guess keeping you guessing is the whole point, since there are three more games after this. ^^;;

But now I can watch Liminality. I'm gonna go watch it later tonight, probably after dinner or something. I don't feel like watching it right now. ^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, March 5, 2003

Out of boredome and curiosity, I went onto my DJ and reread some of my posts. And it was so weird, reading them. O.o More than half of the stuff I wrote on there, I don't even remember any more. For example, in one post I said I wanted to work on Me and the Other Me or Among Us. I remembered my idea of Among Us, that was the idea with the vampires that are so human like that we never notice at all until we became the victims and stuff. As for Me and the Other Me, I don't remember what that was at all. O.O Strange, ne? Scary, too. I woulnd' tmind hearing what Me and the Other Me is about, though.

It's almost like that time when I went through my Unfinished folder and read several of my unfinished older works. And I found, that even though they were older, they were actually quite good writings. The funny thing was, after I finished reading them, I thought that they were definitely not my writing. It was like someone else wrote it and deposited it in my computer. This literally signified how much I changed, ne? Still, in a way, I wish i can write like how I used to. At least back then I actually WRITE. >.>;;;

It seemed like such a long time ago when I was using DJ. But when I checked the date, it was in August of 02, so merely less than half a year into the past. In fact, it almost scared me when I came across posts that talked about my first experience in the driver's seat of my car. O.o It's hard to believe that only a few months ago, I was going at 10 miles an hour and thought that was going too fast. But the thing is, it seemed like only yesterday that I started driving, so the two timeline of when I stopped using DJ and when I started driving doesn't seem to be matching with each other.

Now that I changed so much, reading back, it seemed like I was just now merely reading someone else's posts, someone else's problems. How strange. It startled the hell outta me when I read about myself complaining about Olstad giving us too much work. *sweatdrop*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, March 4, 2003

GAAAAAAAAAAH! Lily ran away from her house so her family deleted all her stuff on the comp. Meaning no Fruits Basket for me. T.T Dammit, I was so looking forward to that, too. And also, since she haven't given me all of Chobits yet, I'll have to find another source to get me the rest of Chobits. *sigh* Awww, dammit.

I really don't know if I should be sympathetic for Lily for being kicked out/ran away or if I should be happy for her. If she really ran away, then she probably wanted to, but if she was kicked out, then, well, she didn't want to. Whatever the case is, it really suckes. She's a really cool person, just a bit screwed up.

In any case, I need to find someone else to get anime from. *sigh* I REALLY wanted Fruits Basket, too, and the last thing I want is to leave Chobits hanging; I'd rather get the whole series.

Nettie's emailing slow. >.<

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 3, 2003

About the "don't lie" thing that La sent me, she thought I was on but under invis or something. I think she just caught me at a wrong time 'cause I sometimes exit both of my IMs 'cause I didn't want my memory to die too quickly, which tends to happen alot when I'm reading manga and had to open tons of pages. ^^;; SO yeah, I didn't notice she was on, so I just exited, and she thought I was under invis. ^^;;

I think I'm at the last dungeon of .hack!! YATTA!!! If it is, and if I beat it no prob, then I can finally watch the movies that I accumulated! ^__________^ Also I'll be able to watch Liminality and the rest of SIGN without getting distracted, and stuff. Then, I can also pull my concentration back to Xenogears and get that one done quickly, and then after that, I have to finish Suikoden II, too. Geez, I have way too much stuff planned. ^^;;

Also Jerry sent me the codec that I was missing so now I can play the LotR: TT movie! YATTA!! ^_____^

Um, not much else is happening. oh yeah, I managed to make about half of the characters I have in .hack to have about 250 affection for Kite. ^_____^ I think it's all due to the fact that i gave them way too much stuff. Too bad you can't seem to get any higher than that. I gave BlackRose a ton of stuff and she still stayed at 250. Ditto with Elk, I gave him a ton of stuff, too.

I think I might drop by Author's Ink for a little bit tomorrow to get the new members email address for the ML (I totally forgot that we're having new members) and send out antoher email, probably in regards to the site I made. I wonder if Mikaela got my email. O.o

Geez, I'm running otuta things to say.

Surrprisingly enough, you know, it's when I know that this place no one ever read, that I actually manage to put my thoughts down. I like that. I like to be able to say things that I normally might not say, and not have to fear what others are going to think. So I don't think I'll be telling this to anyone; that is to say, i won't give them the link. I'll tell them about it, many people at the comp lab saw random pieces of Tsumi to Batsu, but they don't know the address so they can't get here anyway. I'm glad. ^-^

Well me is going to go now. I need to do a few installations and stuff, and that's it. Need sleep. @_@

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 3, 2003

When I got home today and got online, I got an offline message from La (I think it's her, anyway) that says "don't lie". O.o What's up with that? I haven't talked to her in ages, never saw her on AIM or Yahoo.

Well, doesn't matter, anyway. Maybe she's just sending weird messages to everyone on her list, or something, or maybe she just sent it to the wrong person. *shrugs* Whatever.

On a side note, I found out that the German for melody is Melodie. Pretty much the same, unfortunately. I was hoping that it was generally different from the english word, like how Japanese is. It would still work for Senritsu's female counter part, since Melodie is such a female sounding name, anyway. But the thing is, every time I think of Melodie, I think of Tanya's Melody. *sweatdrops* Or if not that one, i think of Meredy from ToE. O.o So yeah, that's the problem.

On the other hand, I might also be able to use Lied or Gesang, both means song, i think in German. I can, but melody and song doesn't necessarily mean the same thing. And also, if I'm using those two, I'll need to first check it with Her Anderson to make sure my pronounciation is correct.

Anywayz, that's all.

NETTIE STILL HAVEN'T EMAILED ME YET!!! T.T

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, March 3, 2003

We're starting the cars. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! T.T I really don't wanna do that one. I wanna just continue doing programming on the compy. I LIKE THE COMPY!! *wails*

Not much else. Can't stay in the comp lab after school to finish programs. T.T I can't believe he's making us finish our programs in our own time. *weeps*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, March 2, 2003

I found out that Senritsu means melody! And how, you ask? I remembered that one of the words in one of L'arc en Ciel's song was senritsu, so I went and found that song (which happens to be Kasou), found the place of the word, found the translation, and found out what the word was. Which turned out to be Melody. Gaaaaaaaaaah, I just named a guy character Melody. O.O Oh well, doesn't matter, I think. It probably would fit better, because the guy character happens to be a GIRL.

The main plot is that Senritsu just appeared out of no where, and he doesn't know who he really is or anything. He tends to have chronic blackouts, and when he came to, he would be at a totally different server or even in town. Also, despite his blackouts, even if he had it in the middle of a battle, he would never get hurt or die. He, also coudln't get offline, so he's like a character that's stuck in The World, like Tsukasa.

The thing is, Senritsu is actually a split personality of a girl. When she registered, a glitch in the system split her into two characters, a female character (whom I have no name yet) and Senritsu. The female character is ultra feminine and hyper, while Senritsu is basically the player's more musculine side. The player didn't know that Senritsu exist, and because of the glitch, also can't tell that her character is much too unlike herself. However, she still somewhat controls Senritsu, which is the reason his blackouts; those are the times when the player is logged off, thus the part of her brain that controls Senritsu is absent.

I really don't know where I'm actually going with this story. I know I plan to have Senritsu and his female counterpart actually meet somewhere, and probably exchange member address (or in this case, the female counterpart gives Senritsu her address as Senritsu doesn't have one) so that they do travel around together sometimes.

I'm THINKING that this could be like a story that tells of the Balance. Like the Balance of Light and Dark, the Balance of Feminine and Musculine identities. That is to say, no matter how feminine girls are, they still have some musculinity in them, and vise versa.

The problem of pulling that off is that, what is the boundary between the Feminine side and the Musculine side? How can I make it so that Senritsu is musculine? In fact, it's an old tradition that females are supposed to be silent and docile, not males, so wouldn't it be like an opposite thing? O.O

I'm so confuzzled. Still, it could be a good idea, I think.

The conclusion, would obviously be the glitch being fixed, and Senritsu and his female counter part comes back together into one being, that is the player. But how would that work? Where did the glitch start? See, thinking of glitches, people tends to go automatically to the game plot and probably the anime plot, too, with the Book of Twilight and stuff.

Also, should I make this story parallel to the timeline of the game? Or should I make it AFTER the game? But that wouldn't work because I don't KNOW the end of the game yet. >.>;; Maybe after the anime? Or maybe parallel the anime? Who knows. I think since I'm trying to make it more similar to the game in the sense of "server" and "root town" and "weapons", I might make it parallel the game. It might work.

I gotta go now. I should sleep. School tomorrow. >.<

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, March 2, 2003

Oh yeah, I forgot to say this but I got past Shahkan! YATTA!!! ^____^ I just had the wrong characters, is all. I needed to have Siebzehn with me, and I didn't. So. ^^;;

Unfortunately, now I'm sort of stuck at the next boss battle with Dominia and Kalvena. >.>;;; NOt really stuck, actually. I got into battle, didn't do too well, realized half way through that I should've went into Booster mode, and didn't feel like going into Booster that far into the battle since I needed to heal again soon, and that means I need all the fuel I can get. Then I just turned my pS2 off and came online instead. ^^;; So basically I haven't had a turn with Dominia and Kalvena yet. But just for records, they're damned tough. O.o

Anywayz, that is all. ^-^

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, March 2, 2003

He was born in a world of snow.

He was not brought forth from the womb of a woman, nor did he start as a baby and grow to an adult. Rather, when he became aware, he was already full grown, standing alone and silent in a world of white.

It was night. In the distance he could see various small ruins, scattered all around him. He was not cold, despite the icy setting. Flakes of paleness that stood out from the dark backdrop floated down from a cloudless sky and onto his clothes. Somewhere far away, something that made a yellow glow flashed its faint light in a continuous spiral.

All was silent.

His hands clutched a pair of identical blades. They were not swords, nor could they be termed as daggers. He had never seen the like of them before; he could not even describe them. To him, they are just blades; blades that were born with him, blades that will protect him, blades that will go with him into death. And that was all he needed.

It was too silent. The snow fell soundlessly, but no matter how long he stood there, motionless, staring, wondering, it refuse to accumulate on the already white ground to form a new layer of packed hardness.

It was too silent, so he decided to speak, to break this silence that seemed like screams to him.

"Where…am I?" he asked hesitantly. His tongue stumbled over the words, as if they were not used to speech. His voice sounded strange to his own ears. Was it too high? Too deep? He couldn't tell. He couldn't remember.

"Who…am I?" he asked aloud again. Everything seemed so surreal, even this silence. Somewhere, deep inside himself, something spoke. He could not hear it, but he knew vaguely what it said. 'Senritsu,' it whispered. 'Senritsu.'

"Senritsu," he repeated. The word echoed in the empty world that he stood in. He liked the sound of it. And he stood, staring emotionlessly up at the cloudless sky that continued to let down the white snowflakes, and proclaimed his existence. "I am Senritsu."

~ * < > * ~

That's a new excerpt that I wrote. The setting is in a random server of the field type water in .hack The World. So yes, technically it's a .hack fanfic, but it's not because it doens't have any of the anime/game characters in it. It's basically an original story set in an unoriginal setting. ^^;;

I normally don't like having New Characters in anime/game settings like this, but I was way too frustrated by my inability to write lately, so I just decided to randomly start writing whatever I feel like, regardless of my previous inhabitions. So out comes "Senritsu". I THINK Senritsu means either silence or sound in Japanese, but not sure. Whatever the case, I like the word, so I'm keeping it. ^-^

That's all.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, March 2, 2003

You know, ignorance really IS bliss. Before I know all about anime, before I learned what it's like to be free, before I realized that not doing my homework is really nice, my life was simple and not nearly as complicated or stressful. And now I know, and I constantly procrastinate because I know what it's like to not have to do homework, and I spend money because I know what it's like to get new things and the joy of spending money.

Yet, even then, i still try to gain more knowledge. I want to be wise, to know things that normal people don't know. And with this gain of knowledge, my mental wellbeing is being completely destroyed. It's not fair. I hate this. I hate it. I HATE IT.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, March 1, 2003

I bought the Noir DVD boxset. ^___________^ The t-shirt is really nice, although it's a bit big for me (I swear L and the shirt is XL). The series is not bad, actually. The beginning was a bit slow, but by ep 5, it gets pretty interesting. And the music is awesome as always. *-*

My dad got pissed off at me for buying it. He said that I was getting used to Nettie and her mom spending so much money all the time even thoug her mom was struggling a bit, that it's okay for me to spend a lot of money, too. That's really not true. So maybe I did spend about five or ten dollars in the past month or so after I got the car, to buy soda and stuff, but I've never spent money so carelessly before. I know myself the best, even though I still don't know myself well, but I know that if I do spend money carelessly, I would not have nearly 700 dollars in my "account" and I would more likely be buying all the anime and books I want rather than standing there all the time, drooling and groaning after them, but never actually buying them. I never show that to them, because I don't want to whine in front of my parents like that, as if I want THEM to buy it for me, because there's no way I want them to spend the money for something _I_ want, so he never knew just HOW much things I really wanted. And since he's never home, he have no idea that I haven't spent more than at a time in the past 3 or 4 months.

It doesn't matter, though. I'm going to stop spending money as much as I can, and not buy anything for the next few months. My dad's right; I really shoudln't spend so much money when I don't even have a job or anything.

ANYWAYZ, off that depressing subject, I played more of .hack today. FINALLY got Mia and Elk in my party. And now Elk's affection for me equals to BlackRose's at 250. ^________________^ Gaaaaaah, he's such an adorable cutie!!! *____* I uped everyone's affection for me, but right now the lowest is Sanjuro, I think, but it's mostly because I don't have that much equipments for Heavy Blade users, and I give all my good Heavy equipments to BlackRose first since she's my fav Heavy Weapon user. I had similar problem with Natsume, due to the fact that she uses the same type of weapon as Kite, so I tends to forget to equip her with better weapons.

On the other hand, I'm starting to accumulate some really useless items. I tends to save so to trade with them later on, and considering all the people have generally the same items, I havne't gotten to trade as much as I would like. Too bad I'm so close tot he end of the game like this that I can't advance too far in terms of weapons and armory. The few pieces of high leveled armors that I found, nothing i offered seem to light up even a single star. *sigh* It's starting to piss me off.

on the top of .hack//INFECTION, just now, before i came online, I actually died in that game. Yes, I died, for the first time. I was at level 25, and in a level 22 dungeon with Mia and Elk. Overall, the monsters were no problem, except there were two Mag Portals in the room right next to each other so there were two groups of monsters going after us, plus the monsters have a paralyze magic, so they paralyzed all three of us, and killed us. >.< The only good thing is that after opening all Field Portals, I went back to town to drop off items and to save before coming back, so I didn't loose too much. Still, it was annoying. >.<

But I'm pretty darn close to the end. Maybe one or two more major event dungeons left, I think, before the battle with Skeith. can't wait until Malignant Mutation come out. ^-^ Btw, I'm pissed that they're calling the US version must Mutation. >.< I like Malignant Mutation better, even though saying it is a mouthful. ^^;; Still, Malignant Mutation rolls off your tongue really easily and it sounds cool.

Xenosaga came out either today or yesterday. T.T I WANT IT!!!!! but I gotta get past Shahkan and beat Xenogears first. >.>;; But dammit, so many good games came out lately (Dark Cloud 2: Dark Chronicles, .hack//INFECTION, Wild Arms 3, Xenosaga) and all of them are so damned expensive!!!! >.<

Anywayz, I should shut up now. ^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, February 27, 2003

WHEEEEEEE! i got LotR second movie on the compy now. XD I was going to get it yesterday, but since I wasn't here yesterday, Jerry couldn't give it to me. Anywayz, but yea, I have it now. ^___^

I can't wait to go home.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I love .hack//INFECTION. ^-^ I think this is the only game so far, beside FF7, where I like nearly ever single character in there, playable good guys or not. But I have to say, Elk is just soooo adorable! XD At first I thought I would stick to using BlackRose, probably, and maybe one other, but as I play more as some of hte other characters, I realize that they're all really great at fighting and stuff, so it's not just BlackRose that I stick to. In fact, I found myself using Elk a bunch, just 'cause he's cute, and also he's pretty darn useful with his La Repth. ^^;;

When I was editing my FAV GAME CHARA list, I had to restrain myself from writing down the entire cast of .hack//INFECTION, or else it'll make the game chara list wayyyyy too long. ^^;;

I should go now, but I don't wanna. *sigh* I know that if I go to sleep, with a blink of an eye, it'll be tomorrow morning, and it'll be hell trying to get up. T.T Well, I still have ta, whatever I want.

Wish me luck.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I didn't go to school today. I wasn't really sick, although my throat did hurt just a tiny bit, but I sorta made it sound bigger than it really is, so I stayed home.

*sigh* I know, I know, I shouldn't have done that, but I really didn't wanna go this morning. I was tired, as per normal, but what really cinched it was that today first thing in the morning is a Math quiz that I know I was going to fail, and also yesterday I got .hack//INFECTION so I wanted to play more of it. Thus, I pulled it again.

Even though I got a day off from school today, and beside the math quiz, I know there's nothing else that I missed, I'm still pissed off at myself. I'm almost making it a habit this year, missing school for no reason. This is like, what, the 10th time that I missed school? I used to pride in my not missing school, not even when I was sick, but now I'm deliberately missing school. I can't believe myself.

This year, overall, in terms of my own way of doing things, just went straight down to hell. Oh, true, it's not as stressful as last year even though I have the zero hour, but I am a total lazy ass. I don't do my homework, I don't read my books, I don't do my projects, I don't do a shit load of things. I go home, and the first thing I do is go online, and i don't come offline until sleeping time. I procrastinate as much as possible, and I'm fairly sure it's going to show up on my report card. *winces* My mom'll kill me.

What the hell am I doing? I can't believe I'm still up right now, at 10:30 PM online and burning a CD. By all right I should be asleep already. But nooo, I just had to get at least one more dungeon done in .hack and get a bit more level up. And I just HAVE to burn the CD.

For some odd reason, I really wanted to stay up, about ten minutes ago, which was the main reason why i came online and decided to update Tsumi to Batsu and burn a new CD rather than go to sleep. I originally wanted to start reading one of the Tanith Lee books, I have. I wanted to finally start reading the Tales of the Flat Earth series, but I still lack the first book. *sigh* So I decided not to do that.

I don't understand why a single hour earlier to get to school could get me so tired. I mean, last year I get up at 6:40 and even though i was stressed, sleep wise, I was still fine, and I constantly stay up to around 12:oo AM before going to sleep. Yet, this year, even if I go to sleep at around 8 or 9, I get up at 6, a mere 40 minutes earlier, and I could barely function. This sucks.

ANd that's why I'm a bit worried. The second semester of this year and the first semester of next year are the most improtant of my high school years. I was lucky enough to get straight A's for the first semester, but that really didn't matter. *sigh* And with my weird sleep arrangements, I really don't know if I should take zero hour again next year or not. It would free up a period for me so I can take the electives, and probably get my art credit over with, but will I be able to function next year, with so much AP classes, AND the zero hour?

I really doubt it.

Well tomorrow I'll ahve to make up the quiz. I wonder if he'll have me do it during class time or after school. ihope after school, because then I'll have time to study. I forgot this morning that I didn't have my math book with me. >.>;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, February 25, 2003

I WAS going to update last night, except I got distracted with talking to Nettie and stuff. ^^;;; And by the time i finished talking to her, my mom was pissed off, I was tired, and it was time for sleep. So I did.

And now i totally forgot what I had to say. Oh yeah, I added the FAVORITE GAME CHARACTERS section to the side. While I looking up some stuff, I realized that I don't have CLOUD in my fav chara list. Can you believe that? O.o So I went down there to edit, and lo and behold, NONE of my fav game characters were down there. I guess they just slipped my mind. *sweatdrop* So I figured instead of just adding all my fav game charas under the fav chara sections, I just separate 'em into two, one is fav game chara and one fav anime chara. Works better this way. ^-^

Geez my hand is freeeeezing.

Took the AIMS today. It wasn't AS easy as Miki made it out to be, but it wasn't hard, either. Took me a while to do the essay at the end, though since I actually went to the trouble of brainstorming and drafting before writing the final copy. I'm pretty proud of it, actually.

I finally is playing .hack//INFECTION. ^________^ I met up with Tanya today so she let me borrow it. I'm actually looking forward to her new .hack chara designs, for the first time in the two years that I've known her. Usually I feel annoyed whenever she starts to get obsessed with a series, she started to make her own characters, and often draws herself in there but with better looks and abilities and stuff. But this time, I'm interested. Truthfully, I do like her drawings; they're just not my style.

Anywayz, so I played it, and I'm only 4 hours into it, not that far, but not bad either. I didn't have much time to play it, really. Truthfully, I SHOULD've been studying for my math quiz tomorrow morning. BUT! ^^;; So yeah, I played .hack instead. I am so glad that they kept the Japanese voices in for the game. I don't think I can ever stand that game if it didn't have the Japanese voices, because the english voices, while not the worst, were NOT good, and defintely not something that I want to listen to on a long scale. The Japanese voices were great, and I'm fairly sure that Orca and BlackRose's voices were the voices of Bear and Mimiru's in .hack//SIGN respectively. Probably Helba, too, although since Helba never really talked in SIGN, i can't be sure.

Balmung is AWESOME. ^___________^ He's so pretty! I absolutely adore his outfit, the wings and the white drapy-looking thing on his armor is really neat. ^____^ I see possible future relationship between him and Orca, mostly because they were, and still are, partners. *crackles* But then again, Tasuhiko is Kite's age, and Kite's probably BlackRose's age, and BlackRose is a sophomore...although I don't know if she meant she's a sophomore in college (which I doubt) or in highschool, which I think she is. Which means, they're my age, around that, and unless Balmung in RL is also around that age, it might be a bit weird. But then again, if Tasuhiko's cutie... *crackles* ^^;; I'll shut up now. *shoves naughty yaoi ideas away*

Anywayz, on a side note, is it just me or Mia's voice in Japanese very man-ish? O.o It could be just that her voice is the deep, mature woman's voice, but still, the first time I heard her, she sounded like a boy Elk's age. Funky, eh? XD And Elk's cute, like Tsukasa, but his personality isn't as cute. Elk's a bit annoying, actally, but still cute. ^-^ If Mia, in real life, is a guy, and he and Elk are best friends, it would explain the voice and why they seem to hang out together, all the time. Hm...maybe Elky got a little crush? ^.~

About the gameplay, actually, people say it's like Kingdom Hearts except you actually get to control what the other two characters do. That's true, but battlewise, and especially dungeon wise, it's REALLY similar to Dark Cloud. No one mentioned that, so I thought it was weird. But .hack's dungeon system is REALLY like Dark Cloud's, where there's the field, then you go down into the dungeon, and the dungeons have multiple rooms in each level until you get to the lowest level. The reason I even thought of Dark Cloud was that in Dark Cloud generally I was forced to have Toan run around alot because each rooms in each level are huge for the most part so you have to run around a lot in order to get to the chests. I was playing in one of the dugeons in .hack, and lo and behold, it's the exact same thing. Plus, chests in those rooms are placed similarly, too. In Dark Cloud, two chests would be in two opposite diagonal corners, while two enemies would be on the other two corners waiting for you. In the same way, in .hack, two chests are in two opposite diagonal corners, and the other two corners are sometimes corpses or eggs, or whatever else there is in that dungeon.

I really don't see why RPgamers gave .hack//INFECTION a 6 rating, though. The graphics is really nice, actually, and the game play isn't bad. True, the Root Town have some things to be desired for (maybe it's just because it's the first Root Town, but it's tiny) but otherwise, everything else is pretty good. I wouldn't say it's the best game, or even come into part with FF10, but it's defintely better than FF8. So if I rate .hack myself, I'd give it around a 7 or 8.

I better go now. I should get some sleep, it's already 10:00 PM. O.o Sleeeeep time. ^.~

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 24, 2003

I spent from 5:30 PM to 10:40PM last night doing the Research Project for Priest. And I finished. ^___________^ Tonight I don't have to worry 'bout it. Yatta!

On that topic, actually, I GOT STUCK IN XENOGEARS!!!!!!!!!! T.T I coudln't believe it, but goddamned, that Shakhan is one nasty bastard!!! O_o Even with Elly's Slow, I coudlnt' beat him. T.T And there's no way for me to do to level ups or gradeups, since I'm completely stuck in Nisan. T____T I WANNA PLAY THAT GAME MORE, DAMMIT!!!

Also, I finally saw Deep Dive, completely, without break, with good sounds. I brought my own headphones and it's great. I love it. *______________*

I gotta go now. I'll try to give a better post next time, when I have time. I got so much to tell. ^______^

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, February 20, 2003

Jessa finally bought her own domain so soon she'll have Sakanagi.net up. Yatta! ^________^ Here's her current layout that she have temporarily on Geocities:

Sakanagi.net

It looks really pretty. *droolz* I love the pic of Subaru. ^________^

Btw, did I tell about my 3 hour furious typing of my KH Ending Theory regarding the four Unknown characters? Oh, I did? Darn.

Oh yeah, two nights ago, I had a disturbing dream (but still really neat) that involves Gravi characters somehow stumbling into the Castlevania: SotN and somehow gaining a certain weapon class and status (similar to .hack and some FF). The weirdest thing, that I remember the most clearly of, is that Suguru somehow gained the class of Twin Blade (two long thing daggers) and somehow became an Assassin status of all things. And the dream was almost focused on Suguru because he was the most level-headed one, the coldest one, and the one who became stained with blood the most as he was the one did the most killing. Somehow, he seemed to have adapted more quickly than the other characters.

Oh yeah, and the setting isn't really side scroller like the actual game, but more like, say Devil May Cry, with dark corridors and stuff, but more in a Castlevania setting like underground passages, stone walls, rich tapestries but dark corners. At first at the very beginning of the dream, it was almost side scroller, but then it became more 3D.

Yuki was in there, and he was a Long-Sword class. Apparently none of the other characters have status except Suguru, which i thought was weird. Must've been the Hiro/Suguru fanfics I've been reading that night. ^^;; Anywayz, Yuki was a Long-Sword Class, Shuuichi was a Short-Sword class, Suguru was a Double-Blade class with Assassin Status, Hiro was a Double-Blade class with two short swords instead of daggers, K was a Broadsword class, and last but not least, Sakano-san, the only person in the group that is capable of using magic such as Soul Steal. And tat's all. Weird, eh? When I woke up, I was surprised that K and Sakano are in there instead of Tatsuha and Ryuuichi.

There was this one part in the dream, probably one of hte two most creepiest part. All the characters where rolling side-scroller-like in a big ball of dust and somehow squeezed past some really apalling, gross monsters. This is sort of funny, but right after that, they were rolling through a corridor/tunnel that's going downward. At the end of the corridor was a trap door that would open to the rest of the castle. All the characters managed to get past the trap door and get free, but when it was Shuuichi's turn, the last to get out, he was somehow stuck. And unfortunately, there was a really creepy, bloodthirsty thing in there along with Shuu. While it may sound stupid, it was really damned creepy when i was having the dream. You can't see it 'cause it was dark in the corridor behind the closed trap down, and you can only hear the insane giggling and the "I want more blood" phrases. And then, somehow, some random character, a female, also fell into the dark corridor/tunnel. It was a REALLy cheerful person (makes me think of that brown-haired girl in ToE anime)and it was cheerful even when hearing the monster. And with her help, SHuu managed to get free, but then she was stuck behind the trap door alone with the monster. And there were some really creepy sounds, and then the girl popped free from the trap door, still smiling, and the monster is trapped behind hte trap door. But it wasn't upset, it was still giggling and then started chuckling. THen it was "it's okay, I'll just get you later" *giggle giggle* And then you see dark red blood starting to seep from behind the door.

It may sound stupid, but like I said, it was really damned creepy. O.o

The second most creepiest part is right at the end, right before I woke up by my alarm. If only it wasn't a school night and I didn't have to wake up, the dream would've continued.

Anywayz, Suguru was walking at the front as he's the one that's the professional killer and stuff. There were wooden beams holding the low ceiling up in the corridor along with some tables and stuff, and the corridor is really narrow and small. At a turn he stopped and the characters started to gather around. There was no light. Sakano sheepishly smiled and conjured up light and started to walk at the head. Turning the corner, lo and behold, there was a girl sprawled on the carpted floor. And guess who it was? It was Mara-sempai. O.O I know, it was really weird that my dream, my SCARY dream that's nearly nightmarish, contains Mara-sempai. Anywayz, she wasn't wearing her normal glasses and there were dark circles under her eyes, not the result of her normal make up. She was also extremely pale. She looked scary, and a little evil, too, and I remember looking at her with suspicion, wonderig if she's the real Mara-sempai or not, in my dream. She was looking around nervously, like she was trapped or something.

Then i woke up. ^^;; But anywayz, there were a few other things too. I think i was overall in the pov of Suguru and I remember in one part I was jumping around, like Alucard in Castlevania, adn I was at the top of the stairs and I jumed down the middle hollow to the bottom, and I remember fearing the height even though subconsciously I knew I was in a game, and in games characters can jump from the top of the building and not get hurt. But even though I knew, I somehow altered the game so that I catches the edge and let myself gently down, or something of the sort.

Anywaz, that was the dream. Weird, ne? Man, now I feel tired, typing all that up. ^^;; It may've been weird and a bit scary, I wouldn't mind dreaming it again, or maybe continue it. The only dreams that I really consider to be nightmares are dreams that have bugs and me constnatly trying not to touch tem or come in contact with them, and not succeeding. Those are REAL nightmares, for me.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, February 19, 2003

I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^________________^ I finally found a copy of Kingdom Hearts Deep Dive! YATTAAAAAAAAA! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!

And you know what? i'm actualy in the comp lab, just finished my State math test. Damn, it was so freakin' hard. >.< ANd the desks were low (designed for typing, of course) so I was like hunched over the table, trying to think, and it wasn't working! T.T But yeah, it was a whole damned harder than the National Math Test. T.T And on top of that, I found out that you're supposed to bubble in the blank space on the Name sheet, to indicate space, and I totally forgot to do that on the NMT. T____T and I have way more hope of getting a better score on THAT test than on the SMT, too. *weep wail weep*

ANYWAYZ, now off the topic of school, today's the beginning of the Rodeo Break!!!!!!! ^_____________^ I'm thinking of going to the mall this afternoon after school, since it's a Wednesday so we get out early. I was THINKING of going to that little bookstore, but that place is neglect of people, and I'm sorta scared of going alone like this. Sooo, i think I'll put it off until later, when I REALLY need to find a copy of the first book of the Tales of the Flat Earth by Tanith Lee. Geez, i totaly forgot the name of the first book. Just flew out my head. >.>;;

I WANT .HACK!!!!!!!!!!! It looked really neat yesterday when Tanya brought it to Anime club. I really like Orca and Kite. I like Kite better than Tsukasa, actually, since Kite have a way better sense of humor than Tsukasa-kun. But I still like Tsukasa. ^-^ Elk is really a lot like Tsukasa, actually, 'cause both of them are really obsessed and possessive of their friends (Tsukasa was sort/really possessive of Mimiru and Subaru while Elk is REALLY obsessed with Mia).

One feature I totally like is the "not everyone is online 24/7 thing. Now THAT is neat. ^-^ I like the whole "online" features like email and stuff. I just wish there's a keyboard that I can use to type the emails. I wonder if you can send your own emails.

It'll be so neat if in the future somehting like The World actually comes into being and people can actually go into the game like that. Now THAT is kakkoi.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, February 18, 2003

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! XD I got Die-sama!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!

#1 Die
#2 Toshiya
#3 Kaoru
#4 Shinya
#5 Kyo

^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 17, 2003

You know, I spent nearly 2 hours last night typing up a Theory of mine regarding the ending of Kingdom Hearts, Deep Dive, Another Side, Another Story, and the four Unknowns in those two secret movies. And I'm still not done yet; I'm at 3 pages, and still going strong. *sweatdrop*

I wander if I really don't have a life.

You know, I just recently got Tsumi to Batsu up and running, but I feel like changing the layout already. I mean, sure Tsumi to Batsu doesn't look like it took a ton of effort in terms of HTML coding, but still, it took me a while to get this done, since I really didn't know the HTML coding, i merely "borrowed" the codes from various other blogs online. But ya know, I just stumbled on some damned pretty blogs today on my quest for the Secret Ending Deep Dive, and I feel really really inediquate. ^^;;

Anywayz, I really want to make a new layout with Riku (or at least scenes from Deep Dive, anyway) and name the layout Deep Dive. Truthfully, though, if I have the time and the patience, I can probably get an okay layout up and running, but I DON'T have the time, nor do I have the graphics to do it. So first of all, before i do the designing for the new layout, I'll ahve to get the graphics done, and after that, I'll have to figure out WHERE i can put the pictures up at so I can have it on here. And unfortunately, my current place for pictures doesn't allow anything that's over 60k to be loaded at a time. T_T

Anywayz, I'm thinking of asking Shir about some of this stuff. SHe's so much better than me at layouts and stuff. ^-^

I WANT DEEP DIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 17, 2003

Total Yaoi Fan

How much of a Yaoi fangirl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Leon

Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 17, 2003

Sakurazuka Seishirou Calm, composed, apathetic, with impecible taste, you are the Sakurazukamori. You tend to be generally calm and composed, and never let things get to you, or if they do, show no trace of it on your face. You're true to your word, and have a nasty habit of hurting the people you care about. But you don't care, because you "can't". Right? Take the "Which Dragon Of Earth Are You!" test! by Maduin & Kira

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, February 16, 2003

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! T_____T Veil of Flesh (Hidden Warrior) ISN'T coming out March this year, as they previously stated! It's coming out JULY!!!! YAAADDAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *wails in despair* HOW COULD THEY?!?! Goddamned it, I've waited more than a year for that goddamned book, dammit! I can't believe they pushed the publishing date! How dare they say you can preorder the damned book now. If you ask for preordering, I want it out very soon, dammit!!! T.T On top of that, the Hidden Warrior cover's pretty damned ugly compared to The Bone Doll's Twin's cover. T.T

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! >.<

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, February 16, 2003

I did it. I finished what my mom asked me to do. All of the 80 pages. Surprisingly enough, it only took me around 2 and a half hour to 3 hours to finish, not four, so it wasn't AS bad. Plus, I did learn some new tricks. Unfortunately, these tricks are learnt a little too early; by summer I'll have it all forgotten. *sigh*

I'm downloading Flame of Recca right now. SnoopyCool.com have up to vol 23 and up scanslated. O.o Scary, ne? I'm at vol 6 right now, haven't even started reading, though.

I'm tired. I probably won't get to go out today since mom took my car earlier and still isn't home yet so I can't ask. Plus, like I said, she took the Camery, so no driving for me. *sigh* And by the time she actually do come back, it'll be too late for me to go anywhere when tomorrow's Monday. On the happy side, though, next week's Rodeo Weekend, so I get four days of weekend instead of normal two. ^-^

I'm thinking of selling some of my stuff. I was putting the Rg Veda and Le Morte away when I realized that I had to do some major shifting to accomidate them. And it results in me having to take down the Robert Jordan books, which I don't mind 'cause I really hold no more itnerest in that series any more. But unfortunately, I bought the fourth book and is barely even started with it yet, so I'm holding back on selling them or trading them in. Anywayz, like I said, I'm thinking of selling some stuff to make room. I never thought that I would come to a stage in life where I'm getting rid of anime stuff. ^^;;

I'm thinking of geting rid of the three Ranma manga in Jap, probably to Nettie; it's something she would pounce on. So I'll have to call her later. Um, I might or might not trade in Green Rider. I did like that book, though. As for Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, I'm gonna wait until summer to see if I can force myself to finish the fourth book, then I'll get rid of 'em. If I do want to continue reading that series, I know I'll defintely never buy the book, just borrow it from Emily. *sigh* Buying the fourth book was the biggest mistake I've ever gone through. I'm barely 40 pages into the book before i lost interest. T.T

Anywayz, so the first thing i wanna get rid of, that's anime, are the Ranma 1/2 Jap manga. I'm thinking of selling my Ranma vol 1 in English, too. It's not like I ever look at it any more. But the thing is, it's in perfect condition, so I don't want to just trade it in.

you know, I just realized that Veil of Flesh (or Hidden Warrior, the new title) is coming out next month. *blinks* WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *____* I'm so happy!!! Just for that, I think I'm gonna reread The Bone Doll's Twin. I still can't believe she changed the name from Veil of Flesh to Hidden Warrior. Veil of Flesh sounds much cooler. *weeps* BUT! It's coming out soooon!!!! ^_________________^ That is one book I'll never regret buying a copy of. *crackling*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Sunday, February 16, 2003

Oh my FUCKING GOD. My mom just told me that I'm supposed to do 4 FUCKING HOURS of SAT practice (80 something pages) today. TODAY. In a single day I'm supposed to do 4 hours of studying just for SAT, which isn't until NEXT FUCKING YEAR. Good god, making me do so much so early is just as bad if I cram two days before the SAT testing. There's no fucking way I can actually remember all this shit all for next year. God damn it.

But I'm going to do it. To make her happy. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get out of the house after I do it. I hope I do get to go out. Goddamn it. THere goes four hours of sleep.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, February 15, 2003

I did my math hw today (surprise, surprise) and afterwards went down to Bookman's. And I'm REALLY happy 'cause I found a copy of Rg Veda vol 1, 3, and 7 in perfect condition there. ^________^ Plus, I actually found Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, which I've been looking for for a LOOOOONG time. And it's in perfect condition, too, the exact same published copy that Mr. C. had us read last year. There was one other book I wanted to get, a Storm Constantine book that looked pretty interesting (it have a very interesting plot that's set in a society and world where man-woman relationships are frowned on, and where women are the in the higher position and female-female relationships are considered good), but considering I was already getting the Rg Veda and Le Morte, I decided that I better not spend that much money. Plus, I have tons of other stuff to read (there are around 11 books on my bookshelve that i haven't read or finished, yet, and I still got to finish reading LotR and also the Assassin Series, and then I gotta read the Asia books to take notes, and finish reading the Japanese Tales-EEP!!) so I figured I shoudln't go and buy another book, even if it is a Storm Constantine book.

I didn't get to stay at Bookman's long since I left the house at around 4 and I had to be home before 7, and I planned on going tot he mall, too. Anywayz, so I bought the stuff and went over to Borders. February is a pretty damned popular month to release manga, since in the past three weeks, just about every single series that are licensed are released. I read Chobits 4 and it's pretty sad, that i nearly cried. I teared up a bit. ^^;; I do like a lot of CLAMP's new series, but I admit, I still prefer some of their old better like Wish and Clamp Campus and Tokyo Babylon. I wander if they're ever gonna license TB.

I can't wait until FAKE and Gravi get released. Well, actually i can way since the last thing I want is people who don't know the series pick it up, and goes weird out over it just 'cause it happens to be yaoi, but still, I woudln't mind reading FAKE translated. Not many places actually have FAKE scanslations and the stuff i Have so far is pretty crappy translation. >.>;; Anywayz, I hope they won't have some weirdo age restriction on it, or else I woudln't be able to buy it.

On the topic of manga, there are some weird manga being released, one of which is this thing called Neo Tokyo, drawing by an American, an amature, for that matter. I read a few lines on the intro and the guy previously only drew one other series. His art is anime-ish, but so much like fanart, that i was having trouble actually LOOKING at it. I can't believe they're publishing it. Not to say that I hate his art, story purely because he's American. That's really not the case. I just feel a bit weird when they're publishing pure amature stuff like that. I mean, in fact, if they're publishing really bad amature manga/doujinshi of Japanese artist, I would feel the same way.

Anywayz, on another topic, I talked with Nettie today. I guess I went a little overboard with lecturing her on studying and stuff like that. I know she gets tons of work, but no matter how much stuff she get, I just can't believe that she have no time to do anything except homework. I just don't understand why she can't manage her time better, and do things quicker. I guess it's just me, but when I'm doing something, if I do set to do it, the actually doing time is VERY small. I can eat in 10-20 minutes, max. I wash the dishes within 5 minutes. Homework, I can do everything in 2 hours, max. The only problem is actually getting me to do these things, as I lately have been a big procrastinator.

Nettie, on the other hand, is pretty damned slow at everything. SHe tends to get distracted wtih conversation and many other things while she's doing the things she's supposed to be doing. That's mainly the problem. Washing the dishes, she doesn't even really wash them, just rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, may take up to 10 minutes. She also takes forever in eating (and pretty messy, too, I admit ^^;;) and she watches anime while eating, which means most likely she spends at least a half an hour to an hour just for dinner.

She kept on complainging how she never have time to play games or watch anime, but truthfully, I never do get to do those things during school days, only on weekends I get to play games, a rule set by my mom since last year. So WHY is it that she gets so little things done and so little sleep while she's at it? I may procrastinate lately, but even then, I managed to get ass in bed by 9 PM and all my hw done before they were due. Why the hell can't she do that?

*sigh* Well, as you can see, I had a bit of an opinion when it comes to her studies, and she got a bit pissed off at me for harping at her like that. She literally said "And I'm going through this utter crap every day and I can't believe you don't understand me" when I really can't understand her. Truthfully, i doubt anyone can understand anyone else, or even themselves. to say "you dont' understand me" is a total hypocritical thing to say. Back to the original subject, basically I was getting a bit worried about her education. Her mom don't push her that much so even though she's a Freshman already, she haven't thought about her future at all. Which is the reason I was harping at her. ^^;;

Anywayz, but now that I think about it, why should I care? Seriously, she obviously thought that i'm just completely going off my rockers for lecturing her, and that just gets both of us irritated, why the hell should I care any more? I mean, I might as well pretend to completely understand her, nevermind that I don't, since she obviously like me better when I "understand" her, anyway.

So that's why I decided aftering the whole fiasco to just drop it. Period. When it comes to school, talking to her is like talking to a brick wall of "but you don't understand"'s and "but I'm not done yet"'s.

Do I sound bitter? Well, I'm not. I may have been ranting, but overall my mood was sort of amused. I guess this is what will happen when I actually have a kid. That's why I'm thinking of not getting a kid. It's too much trouble. :)

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, February 14, 2003

Lily gave me ep 15-18 of Chobits so it's cool. She said she's having a bit trouble with the Fruits Basket. That's too bad, but oh well. ^^;;

I'm having a bit of a trouble with the Tech project, but oh well, that doesn't matter, anyway.

I'm lacking things to say here. ^^;;; I REALLY don't wanna go to Setliff's today. T.T I can't wait to go home. WHEEEEEEEEEEE! THis thing is just full of pointless stuff. >.>;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, February 13, 2003

I sometimes don't want to feel anything any more. I dunno. Is it better to feel happiness and pain at the same time? Or is it better to never feel pain, yet never happiness either? I guess that's what they meant when they say "to live like human" because life isn't a life without good and bad things.

My mom wasn't too pleased with me again. I found out that my overall GPA from last year and this year is 3.94. When my mom heard, she looked really disappointed and said "So it's not a 4.0, huh?" I guess I really do disappoint her, no matter how much she says I'm not. *sigh*

Sometimes I'm really pathetic. Why is it that other people are capable of studying and doing their homework, yet I can't? I think I'm just getting too used to this easy life. Next year will be utter hell, I know it. I'll have to deal with PSAT, SAT, ACT, as well as the SATII. Along with AP classes, this time. There's no possible way for me to keep my 3.94 average, not if I'm going to be getting Bs in my classes.

I got a letter from MIT today. I was acting all happy and stuff when my mom showed it to me. But did I truthfully felt happy that I got a letter from MIT, or did I do it just because my mom expected me to be happy? Seriously, though, sometimes there are so many actions that I did, that I don't even know if I did it purely because I really wanted to do it, or did it because others expected me to. Am I just living a lie? And for that matter, are other people doing the same thing? I really doubt that I'm the only one that's living a lie like this. Afterall, that would be very self-centered, ne? But aren't I self-centered?

I admit, I really don't like Emily much. She used to be cool, but then she started to act like she's better than others. Is it really her changing, or is it actually me changing my own way of thinking? Did I somehow expect her to be lower than me in some way? I dont' understand. I don't WANT to not like her. She's a great person, but I find myself constantly competing with her in some way, either in German, Tech, or with friends. I don't understand. She's so nice to me all the time, she even gave me a gift for Xmas when she didn't have to. Why the hell am I feeling this resentment toward her? God dammit, I don't want to hate her.

The problem is probably with me, as usual. In some way, i guess I just can't seem to respect her the way I respect my other friends. So it pisses me off that she acts like she's better than me. I hate it when she constantly mention about other people's compliment toward her. And I absolutely hate it when I think in this way.

*sigh* I don't understand myself. I'm tired. I think I'm going to sleep.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, February 13, 2003

oooooooooh. Lily stopped me in the hallway today and said that if I come to Anime club, I'll get a present. ^___________________^ Okay, whatever she gives me, it's either .hack//SIGN (Weird Version), Boogiepop Phantom (!!), Fruits Basket (*______*), the last ep of Hellsing (which I already have), or the rest of Chobits. SOOOOOOOO, whatever she gives me, it can't fail, UNLESS it's the ep of Hellsing, because as I said, I already have that one. So I hope she won't give me that. But I hope it'll be Boogiepop Phantom for Katie (and so I can get that from Katie later on) and Fruits Basket for me. I REALLY wanna see Furuba. ^________^ I'll hopefully also have a chance to ask if she have Getbackers and Tennis no Oujisama.

Not much else is happening. Like I said, I just got the last ep of Hellsing. Haven't watched it yet, but I'm thinking of watching at least the few eps before ep 13 first.

On a different topic, we're writing persuasive LOVE LETTERS in English. I find it absolutely INTERESTING. And guess what? I'm gonna write a love letter to KYO!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And I'm gonna make it absolutely embarrassing and post it as a fanfic. *crackles* Poor Kyo-kun... *evil laughter*

Anywayz, gotta go now. I'll definitely have fun at Kyo's expense... Heheheh...

Kyo: *blush blush* YADDA!!
Yuki: *evil grin* Baka neko.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Took more selector tests today. I got Professor Snape for a Harry Potter character selector and then I got Ravenclaw (not surprising) in a house test. And here's what I got in a Final Fantasy 7 character test:

#1 Cloud
#2 Cait Sith
#3 Hojo

XD. I LOVE CLOUD!!!!

And then I took the FF X one and I got these

#1 Wakka
#2 Yuna
#3 Jecht

WAKKA! JECHT!!! XD

Then I took the FF8 one and I got this:

#1 Seifer Almasy
#2 Quistis Trepe
#3 Rinoa Heartilly
#4 Selphie Tilmitt
#5 Squall Leonheart
#6 Irvine Kinneas
#7 Zell Dincht

O.O I don't mind Seifie up there, but Quistis?! RINOA?! O____o And Zelly's way down at the bottom... T.T Oh well, I figured it wouldn't be Zelly. ^^;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Which Fruits Basket Character are you?

Then I took Yaoi selector and I got this for top three:

#1 Boys Next Door
#2 Earthian
#3 Gravitation

in which I did read all three manga and I absolutely adore Boys Next Door (actually I love just about everything Yuki Kaori, but that's beside the point) Earthian and Gravi, however, I have to say, I like some other series slightly better.

And after wards I took this Yami no Matsuei selector and surprise of surprises, THIS is what I got:

#1 Muraki Kazutaka
#2 Kurosaki Hisoka
#3 Tatsumi Seiichirou

O.O I got Muraki!!!! Scary, scary...

And this be what I got for the Wish Selector:

#1 Hisui
#2 Kohaku
#3 Kokyou
#4 Kouryuu
#5 Shuiichirou

And me like Hisui! Although I like Kokyou better. ^^;;

And I deem this enough for the day, and I shall now retire. Sleep is gooooood. @.@

Tsumi to Batsu
  Tuesday, February 11, 2003

The Science Lab Book is due today. T_________T And I'm still not done with it yet! *wails*

On a happier note, I found tons of pretty pretty PRETTY Fruits Basket pictures yesterday. ^_______________^ And now on my school compy I have an absolutely drool-worthy piccie of Dear Kyo-sama and Yuki-chan. WAI!!! *drool drool drool* XD I love those two. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! And for that matter, finally saw Ayame-chan. He's so pretty... *droolz* *___* Problem is that he neglects poor Yuki-chan. T.T I LOVE KYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *crackles* Hatori is sugoi, too. I WANT KYOxYUKI STUFF!! *weeps* I found absolutely nothing on that pairing last night when I was online (even though I SHOULD'VE finished my Science Lab book). I did find some ShigurexHatori, though, so that's neat. ^-^ I love Shigure and Hatori and Ayame. Kyo'll always be my favie along with Yuki. And Haru's neat, although STAY AWAY FROM KYO'S YUKI!!!! XD

Okay. I was hyper. VERY hyper.

I need to find lots and lots of manga. The Star Ocean manga worked, so that's good, but I still haven't started reading it yet since the place where I found it didn't have the first Navigation up. T.T Oh well, I'll read it later once they put it back up, or until i find their irc place._______________<;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 10, 2003

Went to Nettie's bday party. It was cool, but sort of hectic since Lian and Daniel were there and they were soooooo hyper. O.o We listened to some music, mostly Hikki so that was cool.

Nettie got some really damn awesome presents. She got the Ranma Digital Dojo boxset. O.o 0 thing here, from her mom and Craig. She got two DVDs, two mangas, and the first four tapes of Rayearth 2, the last from me. Plus, one of her friends there gave her a tape of just music vids, of FF and Kenshin and a bunch of other series. It's awesome. I want it so bad. So I'm gonna ask Nettie to make me a copy. ^^;; I really wanna show 'em in Anime club.

Anywayz, my mom got pissed off at me about it. She was like "I'm not so pleased with you" when she called me at Nettie's. And when I got back, she said that this is the last sleepover I'm gonna go to for the rest of the year. T.T

Oh well. *sigh* I guess I should get down to business.

For that matter, the Science lab book is due tomorrow!! X______________________x I'm soooo dead. I checked this morning and I realized that half of my stuff weren't even there for me to copy off of and the other half of the labs that I didn't finish didn't even have questions. I'm really seriously so dead. T_________T

I'm tired. X_x I found tons of pretty pretty Fruits Basket wallpapers and stuff on darkwet.net I like Fruits Basket. ^__________________^ Kyo!!! Yuki!!! PRETTY YAOI!! XD

I NEED FRUITS BASKET, TENNIS NO OUJISAMA, AND GETBACKERS!!! T________________T TASUKETTE!!

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, February 7, 2003

Nettie's bday this weekend. I hope my parents'll let me go. I think they will, but my mom did say she'll have to ask my dad. I hope I can go.

We went over some note/outlining thing in Asia today, and Kyra said that it'll be good idea to use for story writing. And she's right. I can't wait to use this on Devil's Trill. Unlike my other ideas, Devil's Trill is one that I REALLY really wanna finish, or at least write a bit on it. I really love the idea and the characters, and the whole horrifying ness of it all. Hell, I even got a song that I find perfect for it (a Malice Mizer song, actually, that's I believe sang by Kozi. O.o) So yeah. I REALLY wanna write Devil's Trill.

Anou, what else. Eto, a math test on Monday. T.T I swear I'm gonna fail this one.

I found a bunch of other manga sites yesterday, including the next six or seven chapters of HxH that toriyamaworld.com doesn't have. The quality isn't as great, but who cares, I'll just read it now, and then replace these with toriyamaworld scanslations as they come out. TW is really slow with HxH stuff. T.T THey've been concentrating on Hikago, and while that's good, it's NOT good that they're neglecting HxH. T.T

I feel like ranting. That's what I've been doing in the past several paragraphs, actually. >.>;; I don't see any other use for htis place. Like I said, now that i'm done with the graphics, I don't even visit this place any more. ^^;; Oh well.

I DON'T WANNA WORK ON MY SPEECH!!!!

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, February 6, 2003

Now that I've finished with the graphic part of my journal, I no longer have the need to visit it now. Sad, ain't it? ^^;;

I finally found a place that have Star Ocean Second Story manga scanslation. Yatta! ^-^ Revisited Noated.com today and found out that they have a whole lot of new sites up now. Gotta thank Shir for that since she was the one who brought my attention to the fact that noated.com changed their menu somewhat. ^_____^

Nettie's bday this weekend. I hope I'll have enough time to do hw and stuff. *sigh* I REALLY want more of Black Cat, for that matter.

Oh yeah, I went to sleep at 5:30 PM yesterday. ^^;; ANd I got up at 2:00 AM then went back to sleep and got up at 6:00 AM. Nearly got up late, too, 'cause i forgot to set my alarm clock. ^^;;;;;;;;;;

COOOOOOOOOLD >.<

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, February 3, 2003

You know, the weirdest thing happened last night. Okay, so it wasn't THAT strange, but I thought it was actually sorta cool. ^^;; Anywayz, I coudln't fall asleep last night, even though I was so tired, probably 'cause I got up late yesterday morning. So then I started to half daydream (except it's nightdream) and half normal dreaming. I was at first thinking of my plotline for Crane, then it shifted to The Devil's Trill, and I actually started to dream out the scenes in it. O.o It was weird, but extremely neat since I got my inspiration back for Devil's Trill. I've been working on part of it today. it's actually the very last scene in Devil's Trill that I was working on, but it really doesn't matter. ^^;;; Anywayz, I hope I'll be able to write that story. I REALLY wanna write it out. It's still a pretty good idea, if nothing else.

As for Crane, I dunno. I like the idea, but I dno't know if the plot is a little bland and unworkable. Plus, I really don't know the time period. *sigh* Oh well, we'll see. For a plot twist, I was actually thinking actually making Kaede-kun's soul to be that of Minoru, a GIRL, not another little boy. Would that work? I'd rather keep Minoru as a little boy, though. *sigh* Grrr, too many possiblities. >.>;;

After I finish writing that last scene of Devil's Trill, i think I'm gonna post it here. ^^;;

Tsumi to Batsu
  Saturday, February 1, 2003

Happy Chinese New Year, minna! ^_________^

I finished watching all of ToE. Not bad. Not bad at all! XD From ep 6 and on, it gets much better, so for anyone who's watching it and found the first five eps boring, just keep at it. It'll get better. ^.~

I got for allowance from my parents today. Yatta! ^-^ It's 'cause of the Chinese New Year, of course, but I definitely don't mind. I think next week when I go over to Nettie's house, on Sunday we can probably go over to R-G or something.

I feel like getting lots of songs. Now that I've spent all that time downloading manga, I've ran out of manga to download. T.T So now I'm heading onto songs again. And hopefully all those neato scanslation places continue to update often. I want more things to read! *wails*

For that matter, I wanna have more time to play games. I REALLY wanna play more of Xenogears, although i could do without Elly in my team as a perminant character right now. >.>;; She's so weak, and she misses ALL THE TIME. It's pathetic. The only good thing is that when I'm fighting in her Gear, since her gear is the lightest in weight, it's the fastest. But dammned if she the character is slow as hell. >.< Oh well.

Tsumi to Batsu
  Friday, January 31, 2003

Yatta! ^____^ I finally managed to make an image that's small enough to put on villagephotos.com, so now I have a title image! Not that it's the greatest, but still, it's not bad. Chii is NOT my fav character, now or ever, but hey, at least sort of fits the name Tsumi to Batsu (Crime & Punishment). ^^;;

Finally, the weekend!!!! XD I've waited forever for the weekend to come. It's Chinese New Year! ^_____^ Party at my house tomorrow night. Mom's dinner party, though, but at least some people I like are gonna be there.

Watched more of ToE anime. not bad, it's finally getting more interesting. It's literally like an OVA set during the time when you're trying to get to Mt. Farosa (sp??) in order to travel the Pillar of Light to get to Celestia. Pretty neat.

I FINALLY found someone I know who have all of Boogiepop Phantom. YATTA! ^_________^ Now I can bug her all the time and leech off of her. XD I love that series so much. *___*

Tsumi to Batsu
  Thursday, January 30, 2003

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I got the favorites stuff up now on the side. ^-^ I'm happy.

Don't wanna go to sixth period. T.T

Me ish tired. @_@

Watched more of Tales of Eternia last night. Not bad, but the game was better, and really, the series so far (five eps into it) is still quite pointless. O.o

I wanna see Tennis no Oujisama and Getbackers. T.T Me WANT!!!!

Tsumi to Batsu
  Monday, January 27, 2003

Grrr, I need a reliable free server somewhere so I can have pictures up. Grr......... >.<